Batman: Arkham Asailum
by Sai Kunai Blade
Summary: Man, I need better friends, don't I? After killing a group of demons and getting squashed under a giant one's foot, Sai was left at the scene of the incident by the DMC gang and brought to Arkham Asylum, JUST before Joker launches his master plan. So, Sai will have to find a way off Arkham, stop the Joker's evil plans and outsmart Batman to avoid getting into even deeper trouble.
1. Prologue

Name: Sai Blade

Age: 17

Awesome facts: controls fire, is a badass ninja, has a type of Super Saiyan transformation with fire

Looks like: Look at the damn author's picture, lazy-asses

Personality: Total badass, ladies man and funny mofo. Enough said.

Bio: Born into a badass ninja clan, I can kick ass with any weapon I pick up and I can control fire, not to mention I make more references than Deadpool for funny effect or to trip up my opponent. I am one of the most skilled fighters in fictional history, as along with my family's traditional teachings, I have also trained under the tutelage of Deathstroke, Dante, Ryu Hayabusa and Bayonetta. I'm also an associate at Devil May Cry, where I'm in a kick-ass relationship with Lady and have a rivalry with Nero that is EXACTLY like Deadpool and wolverine, except I'm usually the one who kicks his ass. But if anyone says I look like Dante or Nero, HELL SHALL BEFALL THEM. Also in my possession is an apparently magic trench coat that, along with having 10 pockets, those pockets are close to bottomless. Now then, onto the story.

The DMC gang and were doing the usual on a Friday night: Just chilling, having the time of our lives on the town... And then killing an army of zombies. Dante was taking them on stylishly on his own, Trish and Lady were teaming up to kill them, Lady shooting rockets for Trish to ride on and lastly, Nero and I were back-to-back, gunslinger style, blowing the demon's heads off one by one.

"Think you can handle this many?" He asked.

"Could be tough if a few more show up, but I think I can manage!" I said, putting Ice in a roaring demons mouth and pulling the trigger.

([Boom. Headshot.]) My head voices and I said at the same time.

"Then those will be the ones I deal with." Nero said, referring to when I said it would be tough if a few more showed up.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't notice you were fighting." I smirked. Then I got an idea. "Hey, I could use A HAND." I said.

He thought for a second, but then got it. "Hop on." He said, making a giant hand with the Devil Bringer for me to jump on, high above the battle.

"FOR PONY!" I shouted, throwing down millions of fireballs. With satisfying explosions, the demons were dealt with easily. "So, what next?" I asked, jumping down as the group reconvened.

At that moment, a colossal demon showed up, looking ready to rip everything apart. "That." Dante said, firing at it.

"I got this!" I said, stepping forward with my hands on fire. Looking up at it as it looked down at me, I noticed that...

"Sai? In case you aren't paying attention, that thing is 20 times your size." Trish said.

"It's not how big your fwoosh is, it's how you use it." I said, turning to her and pointing to make a fact.

"Okay." She acknowledged.

I then turned back in time to see it stomp on me and crush me... What felt like about an hour later, I was put into some car and driven to an unknown location. I was then dragged somewhere, then it felt like I was being patted down for any weapons. Good thing only the wearer of the trench coat can pull stuff out of the pockets... Other than the rat traps I leave as nasty little surprises for people who try to steal stuff out of it. I chuckled when I heard the trap snap close and someone freak out about it, then I was dragged into some room and sat in a chair.

At that moment,someone slammed a fist, or something, down on the table to wake me up. "Aiya, karatechop!" I said, quickly, getting into a fighting stance. "Oh..." I said, sitting down. It was some old dude with a white mustache, a work shirt, some type of vest and two straps on his pants. They weren't overalls, though. He was also accompanied by a short, fat man in a suit.

"Who are you?" The fat man in the suit asks.

"Who wants to know? And where am I?" I demanded.

"Take it easy, son. I'm Gotham Police Commissioner Gordon. This is warden Quincy Sharp. You're in Arkham Asylum for some questioning." He said, putting a small plate of donuts in front of me.

Hahahahaha! The hell kind of a name is Quincy Sharp?! My idiot head voice asked.

[Focus! He just said we were in an Asylum. As in a looney bin!] The smart one said.

(Lesson 1 of being a badass: Get pissed at everything.) I explained to you readers in my head.

"Arkham ASYLUM?! As in a mental facility?! What the hell?! Why did you bring me here?!" I demanded, slamming my fist down on the table, causing the fat man to get scared and jump back.

"Calm down, son! We found you unconscious at a crime scene with the body of some giant monster we don't know what it is! Care to tell us what that would've been and why you were there?" He asked.

"You bring me to a mental facility based on THAT?! First off, if you find someone unconscious. You should bring them to a hospital! Not the looney bin! Second: You cannot arrest me or keep me here without any evidence supporting the claim that I'm guilty! You also did not read me any Miranda Rights! That's a technicality and you legally HAVE to let me go! I want to speak to my lawyer RIGHT. NOW. I am going to sue your asses so hard you won't have a cent between you. Hell, I'm suing this whole asylum and everyone who works here!" I shouted.

"Well, answer me this! Who the hell are you and what was that beast that was laying there, dead?!" The Commissioner shouted.

"Shut the hell up! You have no right to shout at me! I'm the one who should be pissed and I say again, I want my lawyer!... And a coffee: Cream and 2 sugars!" I demanded.

"At least tell us what your name is! And why you had rat traps in your trench coat pockets!? They broke the hands of a number of my guards!" The warden said.

"They shouldn't have been digging in my pockets." I said.

Then there was an announcement on the intercom. "All units, to the front gate, Batman is en route to Arkham Island." The girl on the PA said.

"Sounds like you two are busy." I said, putting my feet on the table and leaning back.

"Yeah. And you will be, too, when Batman is finished with the Joker." Gordon said, walking out along with the warden.

"Sounds fun. I'll have to clear my schedule." I said, shrugging one arm.

[Hey, doesn't Batman sound familiar to anyone?]

Yeah, a little bit. I think Deathstroke described him as a high-and-mighty, pain-in-the-ass vigilante who refuses to kill people. And from the looks of the pictures he showed us, the dude's probably a pedo. Sounds like somebody who's ass we need to kick.

"Yeah, doesn't sound like someone we'd get along with, does it, boys?" I asked them.

[Not really.]

A pedo in a rubber suit with an exaggerated crotch piece? Hell no!

"Yep. Nothing to do LEGALLY to pass the time, might as well call up a few people, see what they're up to and find out why the HELL they left me there after they killed the demon." I said, calling Dante's cell.

We're gonna call Katana for her to get our ass out of here, right?

"Of course. This place looks like a shithole, no way in hell are we staying here." I said, putting the phone up to my ear.


	2. Looney Bin Breakout

Batman arrived at the Asylum with Joker on his knees as the doors opened, then yanked the clown to his feet and pushed him forward. "Move." He ordered.

They continued walking for a short amount of time before they encountered the warden. "Hey, sharpie! Love what you've done with the place!" Joker falsely complimented.

"That's warden Sharp to you!" He said, then looked over his shoulder to a buzz-cutted, tough-looking cop with a scar on his left eye. "Boles!" He ordered and the cop approached Joker.

"Yo, Frank-ay! How's the wife and kids? Ya miss me?" The clown asked hopefully.

The cop responded by grabbing the clown prince of crime by the lapels, almost lifting him off the ground. "Shut it, clown! A lot of people here really want to talk to you." He growled, yanking him along with him.

They took him a few steps before putting him on some type of upright stretcher on wheels. "Really. I don't mind walking." The clown grumbled. Then they secured restraints to him on the stretcher to keep him in place. "Not so tight, boys, you'll crease the suit." He laughed.

Back in the interrogation room...

I had nicked an earpiece off the warden for him to keep tabs on this Joker character when he wasn't nearby and was REALLY getting annoyed by his persona. "Damn, this guys annoying." I said, taking a bite of one of the donuts with chocolate glazed on top.

Yeah, let's break out of here and waste him!

[Better yet, let's get VEGETA to kill him. He' probably looking for something to destroy now that he's done playing that goat simulator game.]

"For those of you who don't know what we're talking about, you NEED to go the TFS website, which is .com and watch Vegeta's new series Renegade for life: Goat simulator. NOW." I said, looking at the 4th wall, then thought. "Okay, not now, but as soon as you're done with this chapter. They probably won't even know about this, but they HAVE to be advertised, they're goddamn hilarious." I said.

Back to them...

"Get that filthy degenerate out of my sight. I'm already irritated by that bastard from before." The warden said.  
"I HEARD THAT, BALD MAN!" I shouted. As a demon, I have hearing, smelling and sight better than that of a vampire.

"Warden, something's not right. I'm going with him." Batman said, following the Joker. He then walked to the first guard standing behind the gate they just went through. "Is commissioner Gordon here?" He asked.

"Yes, he's waiting for you at prisoner handover. He say he needs your assistance as soon as your done with the Joker." The cop replied.

"Thank you." Batman said as he continued on.

Joker continued to only make jokes and wisecracks, noticing the cameras around everywhere. "Sharpie loves his cameras doesn't he? Hey, Sharpie, you getting my good side? Aw, but heck, they're all good aren't they?" He laughed.

Back at the interrogation room...

"Won't be after I get done with you if you keep being so fucking smug like this." I said, finishing the donut.

Whoa, maybe you should chill. You went from Deadpool to James Heller all of a sudden.

[Another great badass, but he could use more charisma.]

"Guys got a point, I'm back. He just annoys me." I said, looking at which of the other donuts I wanted next.

Back to them...

A want him locked away securely this time. Another escape and I will lose support for my mayoral campaign." The warden said.

Back to me...

"You're dealing with a dangerous madman hellbent on destroying this city and killing thousands of innocent people and you're worried only worried about your publicity if he escapes?" I said, pissed again.

What a douche!

[Not the man I think I'd vote for indeed.]

Back to them...

"Don't worry warden, I have every available guard stationed here today, sir." Boles said.

"Look at all this new security. How's a guy supposed to break out of here?" Joker mocked again.

Back to me...

"That's the point. You're NOT supposed to, dumbass." I said, dialing up Nappa out of boredom.

Back to them...

They continued down to the intensive care unit and Joker opened his mouth again. "Ahh, it's always nice to return to my sweet little ha-ha-! Hacienda." He laughed.

Back to me...

"Wow, this guy sounds like a real asshole. Vegeta would say he's more annoying than me!" Nappa said.

"Right? I'mma have to kick his ass if I get the chance before I get out of here. That's the one good thing about having an over-protective older sister who's a lawyer. As soon as you're in trouble, she's there within an hour to get you out. As long as there's not a major breakout that forces the entire island to shut down, I'm home free." I said.

"Then you're set! What are the odds of that, am I right?" He asked.

"You are." I agreed.

Back to them...

They then walked into a big-ass metal detector that scanned them all. "You know, I prefer a good ol' cavity search. Much more personal." Joker laughed.

Back to us...

"Hey, if there is a break-out, let me know, I WANT to come and kick this guys ass." Nappa said.

"Hell yeah, I could use a tank for back-up." I said.

"Yay!" He said.

Back to them...

The metal detector suddenly went red and an alarm went off. "I got a red light." Boles said.

"Multiple prohibited items." The machine said.

"I want Joker searched AGAIN!" Some currently unknown cop said. Not to be racist, but he SOUNDED black from the way he was talking and his tone of voice.

"Um... It's not the patient, it's uh..." Someone stammered.

"Ooh, whatcha sneak in with you, bats? Come on, tell me, tell me! Batarangs? Batclaws? Bat-snacks?" Joker laughed.

Back with us...

"Oh, man, that thing would have a meltdown if you went through it." Nappa laughed.

"My trench coats magic, metal detectors don't work." I explained.

"... How do you know?" He asked.

I sat there in silence for a moment, wide-eyed. "Goddammit, Nappa." I sighed, dropping my head.

Back to them...

"Scan is green on Joker." The person working the machine said.

"Open the gate! Get him out of there!" The black cop said. "I want weapons on him at all times. Do NOT let him out of your sight." He ordered.

Back to us...

"I wonder what he's so worried about. Don't they have him locked up to that stretcher tighter than a nun's ass?" Nappa asked.

"I thought so. Then again, he IS supposedly the most dangerous crime lords in this shithole city." I said.

"Aren't you glad you live in Vermont? Everything's so calm and peaceful there." He said.

"Damn, I miss home all of a sudden." I said in a face sympathetic tone, wiping a tear from my eye.

Back to them...

"there will be time for you later, Cash. Speaking of time: Tick, tock, tick, tock. Is that a crocodile I hear?" Joker laughed.

Back to us...

"[What the fuck?]" Me, Nappa and my head voices all asked at once.

Back to them...

Joker then noticed a doctor. "What's up, doc? Pencil me in for tomorrow at 4. We've got a lot of catching up to do." He laughed.

"Okay, he's clear." One of the other guards said.

The warden then came on the TV and spoke to the new patients. "Ooh, it's my favorite show! "I'm warden idiot, you'll never escape." Joke laughed.

Back to us...

"Okay, I gotta say that one was funny." I smirked.

"You don't like the warden, huh?" Nappa asked.

"The fat, pompous dick who's more worried about his mayoral campaign than a full-scale threat to the city? No." I said.

Back to them...

A bunch of people then noticed the Joker and started cheering for him and waving to him until the guards got them back in order. "I'm telling you, the state of the wiring in these federal facilities is shocking. My boys over there could've been hurt in that unfortunate fire." The Joker said.

Back to us...

"There was a fire in a prison?" Nappa said.

"Happens all the time." I said.

[Yep. People get tired of the food and start a riot and someone manages to light a fire.]

We only did that once! We were locked up on a bogus charge, anyway!

Back to them...

They stopped the guards and Joker after a while as a doctor walked up. "Just have to check your patient, officer Boles." He said.

"Alright, but hurry up!" Boles said impatiently.

"Only following procedure. Patient seems to be in satisfactory condition. Looks like he suffered minor lacerations, probably in the last few hours. There seem to be..." The guard said, getting close to his face, when suddenly...

"Boo!" Joker shouted, causing the guard to jump back and everybody panicked like bitches and aimed their weapons at him, a total of 5 assault rifles pointed at his head as he laughed maniacally.

Back to us...

"Oh, that's goddamn hilarious! You know, I'm starting to like this guy. He's got them so scared when he just goes 'boo' and he's strapped to a stretcher that Krillin couldn't get out of." I said.

"You know, you didn't lower the bar very much." Nappa said.

**Krillin owned count: 32**

"Good point. I was just trying to think of someone who's more than the average human, but still has human limits." I said.

"You mean Schwarzenegger?" He asked.

"Oh, yeah, by the way, how's your movie deal with him going?" I said, leaning back with my feet on the table again, eating a glazed chocolate donut.

Back to them...

"He's all yours. Get him out of here!" The doctor snapped, suddenly sounding like Wolverine, storming off.

"He's good. Open the door." The officers said.

It opened and they continued on, when an announcement came on. "Attention in intensive care unit, Category 9 patient in transit. Pacification systems active. Shoot-to-kill permission granted.

"You heard the lady, we've got another psycho coming through." Another guard said, backing everyone up to a safe distance as the elevator came up incredibly slow, sparks flying everywhere, indicating someone HUGE was riding it.

"Can you smell the excitement in the air? No? Must've been one of the guards. Croc, old boy! Is that you?" Joker called out.

The doors opened to reveal someone huge, green and scaly, so big he had to crouch in the elevator. "Get ready. Keep your weapons trained on him at all times!" One of the guards shouted and they all aimed at him.

He slowly made his way out, sounding like he was snarling and growling. "He looks angry." another guard said.

He finally stood up to his full height, which was about Nappa's height, then spotlights shined on him. "That thing looks pissed." Another guard said.

Back to us...

[Holy shit!]

"Wow, there's a guy who eats a lot of beef." Nappa said.

"Yeah, if I got up against that guy, you'd better expect a fucking call." I said.

Back to them...

The dude sniffed the air, then turned to see Batman and took a few steps forward, finally revealing he was some type of monstrous humanoid crocodile creature with some seriously sharp teeth. "What's it doing?" another guard asked.

"I've got your scent, Batman! I will hunt you down." He said. Suddenly, the electric collar he was wearing powered up and shocked him, enough to stun him and make him stop where he stood. "A toy collar won't stop me from killing you, Batman! I'll rip you apart! Eat your bones!" He said, storming off, a couple of guards right behind him.

"That reminds me. I really need to get me some new shoes." Joker said, shaking his feet.

Back to us...

"Well, at least he doesn't seem interested in you." Nappa said.

"Yeah. And if he wants to eat the guy, I'm safe. It's a proven fact: Demons. Taste. Awful." I said.

Back to them...

They all then loaded up into an elevator and rode down. "Hold tight!" One guard said.

"Whee! Great night for a party!" Joker laughed, apparently enjoying the ride.

"Not where you're going!" Batman snapped.

Back to us...

"Guy doesn't have a great sense of humor, does he?" Nappa asked.

"Apparently not." I said.

Back to them...

"The night is young, bats. I still have a trick or two up my sleeves." Joker laughed, then continued. "I mean, don't you think it's a little funny how a fire at Blackgate caused hundreds of my crew to be moved here?" He asked.

Back to us...

"I knew it wasn't the wiring. It was a riot because of the food!" I said.

"Yeah, I'm never going back to prison after what happened on the bug planet." Nappa said.

[You know, from the sound of it, I THINK he's planning a massive breakout/riot/takeover.]

Goddammit! I knew this Fanfiction was gonna be too short if things went our way!

"Yep. This is gonna be a long night." I groaned.

Back to them...

"I thought I told you to keep quiet!" Boles said, aiming his rifle at Joker's head.

"Oh, Frankie, you really should learn to keep that fat mouth of your shut. It'll get you into trouble." Joker laughed.

"Tell me something: You've never let me catch you this easily before. What are you really after?" Batman asked.

"Oh, nothing much. Hundreds dying in pain and fear. Their miserable lives brought to a horrifying conclusion. All thanks to you and a book of matches. Was that the answer you wanted?" He asked.

Back to us...

"[Oh, shit's gonna go down.]" We all said at once.

Back to them...

Suddenly, the lights went out and Joker started laughing. "What's he doing?!" One guard asked, somewhat panicked.

"Stay where you are!" Another said.

"Get a flashlight! Get a light on him!" Another ordered.

The lights then came back on and Batman was grabbing Joker around the throat. "What? Don't you trust me?" Joker choked out, then Batman slammed his head against the back of the stretcher.

Back to us...

"Well, he handled that well." Nappa said.

"Better than I would've, yeah. If it were me, I'd either light him on fire, or when the lights came back on, they'd see my fist through his chest." I said.

[Gotta handle the situation somehow.]

Preferably in the most violent, badass way possible!

Back to them...

They finally reached the lower floors. "Our guest has arrived." One guard outside of the elevator hissed. The doors opened and he followed the crew, glaring at Joker. "You killed three of my crew when you busted out of here last time." He growled.

Back to us...

"Oh, shit's about to get real!" Nappa said.

"Probably." I agreed.

Yeah, that guys seems PISSED.

[We would be too if people we were friends with or were responsible for died.]

Back to them...

"Only 3? I'll be sure to try harder next time. What say we aim for a hundred." Joker said.

Back to us...

"[...What a dick.]" We all said at once.

Back to them...

Batman finally reached patient handover and found Jim Gordon. "Long night, Jim?" He asked.

The Commissioner turned to him and walked up, shaking his hand. "Joker invades city Hall and holds the mayor hostage, leaving it to me to juggle S.W.A.T teams, the media, you and now some punk we can't identify or get him to cooperate. All he's done is shout at us and accuse of of wrongful persecution." He explained. "So, yeah, it's been a Helluva night." He said.

"Hopefully the last one we'll ever have with him." Batman said.

Unbeknownst to anyone else, myself included, from an unknown monitor, Harley Quinn watched as her Puddin' was wheeled away and listened closely to Batman. "Yeah, right." She said, then searched the other monitors for me. "I wonder who Gordon's talking about? He might be good muscle for our side." She said.

"And don't worry, once I get done with Joker, I'll see about that punk you were talking about." Batman said.

Back to us...

"Uh-oh! Looks like Batman is coming for you, Sai! Are you scared?" Nappa asked.

"Nothing on this planet scares me." I said.

"...Except Hypno's lullaby." He smirked.

"OH, GO TO HELL, NAPPA!" I shouted.

Back to them...

As they were continuing, Batman was suddenly stopped. "Hold it, there! Sorry, Batman. Arkham staff only." The guard said.

"I assure, you, if anyone's qualified, it's-" Gordon started.

"Listen, I appreciate the assistance, but he'll unsettle the more violent inmates." The guard said.

Joker chuckled at that moment. "I think he's talking about YOU, Bats!" He laughed as he was led off. "Don't be a stranger! You're always welcome here! Gotta say, it's good to be back!" He finished as he was led off.

Back to them...

"Well, maybe that breakout won't happen after all. What a wasted potential for a movie." Nappa said.

"Yeah. Plus side is, I'm getting out of here with no problem." I said.

[Huzzah!]

"But what will you do if Batman gets there before your sister?" He asked.

"Oh, please, what can Batman possibly do to hurt me? He's only human. Any damage he could possibly do to me will heal the second after he inflicts it. Besides, he DOES try anything, I got a little surprise for him." I said, lighting my hands on fire.

Back to them...

"You okay?" Gordon asked Batman.

"He surrendered almost without a fight. I don't like it." He said, going over to a window to watch.

"At least he's back where he belongs." Gordon said, following him.

Back to us...

"Surrendering after kidnapping the mayor without a fight? Oh, you know this guy has a plan in here. I'm gonna make my movie after all!" Nappa said.

"Goddammit, Nappa..." I sighed, lowering my head.

I'm gonna stay optimistic that nothing will go wrong. Gotta stay positive, right?

[I think hanging around with Juliet Starling made you a little too happy. Face it, we're stuck. Now that Batman can't get him, Joker will probably spring a trap in the next 5 minutes.]

"Shut it, stuffy! Don't jinx it. I wanna get the hell out of this looney bin." I snapped.

Back to them...

Joker suddenly pretended to fall. "Get up! Now!" The guard told him, reaching down for him.

A mistake. Joker headbutted him right in the jaw and started strangling him with his handcuffs.

"Joker's loose! Alert the warden!" Batman said.

Back to us...

"[Goddammit!]"

"Yes! New movie idea is here!" Nappa cheered.

Back to them...

"Hurry, we're losing him, doc!" Joker yelled, laughing maniacally as the doctor, as a last resort, was attempting to unlock Joker's cuffs in order to stop the guard from being strangled. Batman smashed his fist into the window, cracking the reinforced glass, but was not powerful enough to smash through in one shot.

Back to us...

What a pansy!

[We could've smashed through that effortlessly.]

"But then again, we're also a demon who can manipulate and generate fire hotter than those from Hell itself. And we're strong enough to bench-press a Federal Bank." I said (You know, one of the really big banks).

"And that's just in base form!" Nappa said.

"Oh, Hell hath no fury like us in Majinn form." I said.

[We don't have a Majinn form. I don't think we'll get one any time soon, either. It took Dante immense mental and physical trauma to unlock that power. A type of trauma I don't think we'll see for a while.]

We will someday. Besides, that's the same thing a Saiyan has to go through to become a Super Saiyan. And we have done enough to reach Super Saiyan 3! Majinn Form will be ours in no time!

"Yeah. Besides, Trish can go into Majinn Form in Devil May Cry 2 Just by turning on her Devil Trigger in mid-air." I said.

[Yes, but Devil May Cry 2 was bullshit and we all know it.]

"... True." Me and the other voice agreed.

Back to them...

The doctor finally freed Joker of the handcuffs and Joker thanked him by kicking him in the chest, knocking him out and to the floor. Laughing, he turned back to the guard on the floor and leaned over him, whispering in his ear. "The choke's on you." He said, then got up, laughed and danced like an idiot and pointed to the electric door. "Honey. I'm home!" He said.

"Come on in." Harley said, swiping a card and deactivating the electric security wall.

Batman finally shattered the glass and got through as Joker cleared the gate and it was closed behind him. "Welcome to the madhouse, Batman! I set a trap. And you sprang it GLORIOUSLY! Now let's get this party started!" He said, running off as other prisoners in Batman's area were released and prepared to fight him.

Back to us...

"Aw, dammit." I said, getting up and walking to the door.

Shit just got real!

[So, what's the plan? Go around, cracking skulls until we find the clown, then shove a shotgun up his ass and pull the trigger?]

"Something like that, yeah." I said.

"Oh, this is gonna be epic! Make sure to write all this down, this shit is golden!" Nappa said.

"Yeah, yeah, shut up, Nappa, gotta go kick ass. Can't talk anymore. Later." I said, hanging up and kicking the door off its hinges, sending it flying.

"Why can't it ever go my way?" I said.

[Because then we'd be out a story.]

Yeah, at least now, we have another opportunity to show how badass we are! Hehe!


	3. Taking Down A Titan And A Bat

As Batman was busting through the bad guys, I was using my NINJA STEALTH! To get passed guards unseen and melt through walls and ceilings to get to the cause of the problem quickly. I got to Batman's floor, I think just behind the door Joker was behind, as he sent round 2 at Batman. "Sorry, bats, gotta run! Places to go! People to slay!" He laughed, then I heard him run off.

"You're not the only one who's gonna be doing some slaying." I said, punching the reinforced steel door hard enough to send it off of its hinges and into the room Joker was previously in. "Where'd he go?" I said, following where he went as Batman finished the next round of goons and, unknown to me, managed to catch a quick glimpse of me.

Gordon then came on the announcement screen. "The system's jammed. We're stuck in here. Joker's got full control of the security gates!" He said.

"I'll find a way out, Gordon. Try and contact the Warden. Let him know what's happening. I'll be back. And there's someone else I just saw. Not one of yours. I need to find out who it was." He said.

The Screen suddenly switched to Joker. "Don't make promises you can't keep, Bats! I'm in control of the asylum. You're not going anywhere I don't want you to. Understand?" He said.

"Oh, perfect: A loony bin run by a loony." He said.

[Well, that's not quite as bad as the Warden believing that-]

Hey! Shut it! No spoilers! We're not going into that anyway. We never even found that out when we played the actual game!

"The ONE problem I never solved." I said, still following the path I saw Joker go down. Plus, I could smell his cheap clown make-up, so I had a good trail. "Bloodhounds ain't got shit on me." I said, continuing down the path.

Back to Batman…

"If you think I'll let you run-" He growled at Joker.

"Blah, blah, blah! Always with the hero speak! I'm getting bored watching you. Why don't you come and find me?" He asked, opening the security gate. "Maybe I'll find out who this other person is! Sounds like he's coming my way. I'll keep an eye out." He said.

Back to me…

"Oh, I'm sure we'll get well acquainted when I'm strangling the life out of you." I said.

Back to Batman…

"You know it's a trap." Gordon said as he came on the TV.

"Of course it is." Batman said, then going down the path Joker and I took. He then noticed a couple of dead guards on the floor. "Joker's been busy. These poor guards never stood a chance." He said.

Back with me…

I also noticed a large amount of guards on the floor, most of them face-down. "Hey, you okay?" I asked, trying to help them out, lifting their heads to see their noses were bashed into their brains. "Oh, gods, gross." I said, dropping them and continuing to walk. Then a warning about security breaches on every level sounded off. "Well, that's not comforting." I said, thinking about which weapon I should use.

Not too far away, Batman caught up with a living guard and they were talking when suddenly, the guard got an alert on his walkie-talkie, not going unheard by me. "We need help in pacification. Repeat. We need help in pacification. Can anyone hear this?" The panicked voice on the other end asked.

"Yep. Loud and clear, buddy, on my way." I said, continuing down

"Zsasz is free! He's got Mike!" He said.

"I don't know what this Zsasz is, but he sounds just like Raditz." I said.

[How so?]

A deadly, but physically pathetic sociopath?

"Yep." I confirmed. I continued on using my NINJA STEALTH! Until I reached two guards right in the middle of the hallway.

"Think about what you're doing, Zsasz!" The guard with a gun shouted.

"What's the problem?" I asked.

"Who the hell are you?!" The other guard demanded.

"I'm….. A friend of Batman's. He's busy elsewhere. Should be here soon. What's the problem now?" I asked.

We're Batman's friends? I thought we were just saying we wouldn't like him. We've never met him, either.

[No, but we are good at lying.]

"You're with Batman?! Thank god! It's Zsasz! He's got Mike strapped in the chair. Zsasz has totally lost it!" He said.

"I see. Sounds heavy. Don't worry, I got this." I said.

"You can't go in there! If Zsasz sees anybody get close, he'll kill him!" The guard warned.

"You can't see what isn't there." I said, sinking into the ground like Scorpion. I reappeared up top and could see the guy. He was definitely insane: shaky, lanky and above all, had dozens of scars all over his body that looked like tic marks… The little lines, not the ones that appear on people's head in anime when they get pissed.

"I see anything that looks even A LITTLE BIT like a bat and this guard dies? You hear me?!" He demanded, giving the guard a small shock and laughing sickly.

"This guy disturbs even ME. And I've disemboweled people before. He's down." I said, sinking into the floor and traveling until I was behind him. Then, using my demon powers, I began to change into a dragon with tentacles, twice the man's size. As I breathed in, I made sure my uvula was in the way to make a scary, animalistic sound effect (I actually do that to scare people).

He suddenly noticed the growing shadow behind him and turned around to see the monster I turned into, screamed and tried to run, but I roared and grabbed him, then took a giant bite into his shoulder, then threw him across the room into a wall. "Don't worry. I just knocked him out. He MIGHT need a doctor, though." I said, looking for a way out of the room.

"Someone put this animal back in his cell!" One guard ordered, then walked up to me as I changed back, holding out his hand. "That was a bit brutal, but good work. You saved an officer's life and gave that animal a little less than what he deserves." He said.

I reached out and shook his hand. "I would've killed him, but I didn't think you guys would like that." I said.

"Eh, most of these guys deserve to be fried." He said.

"In that case, I can do just that." I said, letting go of his hand and lifting both of them into view, setting them on fire. I then turned to the guard strapped in the chair and carefully shot the fire at the restraints, melting and weakening them enough for the guard to break out on his own. "Now, then. Where's the way-." I started, going to say "Where's the way out of here", since I couldn't notice one, when suddenly, the announcement screen came on to reveal… boobs. "Bewbs." I said I said in a 'niiiice' tone.

"Can ya hear me? Is this thing on?" The woman the boobs belong to asked, adjusting the camera and stepping back, revealing she was a woman in a… MODIFIED nurse's outfit, looking like a female clown. "Hey there, cutie. You must be the new kid everyone's been hearing about? Mr. J said he'd like to meet with you and talk business." She said.

I turned to the guard I shook hands with. "Does she mean me?" I asked.

"I think so." He said.

"Yeah, I mean you. Why don't you come on down?" She asked.

"That certainly sounds tempting. I have business with that guy anyway: putting my foot up his ass. He's the reason I'm still in here. If it hadn't been for this little break out my lawyer/older sister would've already been here to get me OUT of this hell hole… And brought a sandwich." I said, rubbing my stomach.

"Well, how rude! I've got something to show you in that case." She said.

([Her boobs?!]) Me and my head voices thought hopefully.

To our disappointment, she walked off the screen. "One second, kid." She said, wheeling the Warden, tied up in a chair with duck tape on his mouth in front of the screen. "Ta da! I'm now subbing for the old man! Old Sharpie's never been happier." She said.

I deadpanned and just sat there for a minute. "So? I don't even like that guy, he's kind of a dick. You can go ahead and kill him." I said, then noticed the guards all glaring at me. "I mean-." I said, clearing my throat and sounding like Wolf O'Donnell. "Can't let you do that, clown girl." I said.

"In case you haven't noticed, today is Mr. J's big homecoming party and you and the Bat are the guests of honor." She said.

"Ooh, will there be Mint chocolate chip ice cream? My favorite." I said in my Dante tone, but I DID have stars in my eyes. "I'll enjoy a bowl of that after you all surrender and I get out for good behavior." I said.

"Surrender? Tempting, but no dice. The inmates are running the asylum now. Well, technically they're Joker's goons shipped in from Blackgate, but you get the idea." She said.

"Yeah? I was wrongfully persecuted, found unconscious at a crime scene and taken here without my knowledge and against my will. What a night." I said.

"Interesting. Bye-bye for now!" She said, smashing the camera.

I turned to all the guards again, who were now looking at me expectantly. "I guess I gotta go deal with that, huh?" I said. They all nodded. "Alright. I'll go deal with that." I said, continuing to look around the room for a way out, then I noticed an air vent. "Ooh, I can get out through here." I said, melting the vent guard and crawling through the rather large ventilation systems. I then noticed something.

Hey, a pretty green, glowing trophy!

[Do we HAVE to add the Riddler challenges in this?]

"No, it's needlessly time consuming! I'm skipping the Riddler stuff. Leave it for Batman off-screen." I said, ignoring it and crawling until I reached the end of the shaft. I kicked it out and looked to see a guard, trying to work the ventilation in decontamination, but it wasn't working. "Something wrong?" I asked.

"That room is full of the Joker's toxin! Anyone who breathes it in is gonna die laughing." He said.

"Now THAT is a cruel-ass way to die. I got this." I said, jumping up another shaft and into the room.

Then, I noticed a guard on the ledge of my platform "Over here! Please!" He pleaded.

"Don't worry, I got ya." I said, easily pulling him back up. Then, with my demon strength, jumped from platform to platform, rescuing another guard and kicking one of Joker's thugs off the ledge and into the toxin. "Okay, if I were ventilation controls, where would I be?" I asked myself, looking around until I saw them… In the toxin. "Good thing I'm a demon." I said, jumping into it, which shocked and horrified the guards, but relieved them when they saw I was unaffected. I then turned it off and continued to the next room. "Don't worry, guys! I'll get the bastard that did this. Your friends and such will be avenged." I said.

"Got get 'em, kid! With you and Batman around, Joker doesn't stand a chance!" They cheered.

"You know, I kinda like it when the cops are on our side." I said.

Yeah, less bullet holes in our trench coat.

[It is nice to get praise for a job well done as well.]

I went into the next room and the Joker announced something on the speakers. "What are you waiting for, new kid? I'm so close you can almost taste me!" He said.

"So that's why the air tastes like shit in here." I taunted.

"Oh, that wasn't very nice. Some of my boys are gonna have to teach you a lesson." He said.

At that moment, I heard some maniac screaming and saw two guys rushing at me. "Oh, goodie! More assholes to kill!" I said excitedly, snapping the first one's neck and turning to the next one, attaching a paper bomb to his chest and kicking him back into a wall and letting him blow up.

I then walked through a door Joker had spray painted a sinister smile on and saw him standing on a… I don't know what it was, some type of special containment cell or something. Looked like a safe. "Ah, so you're the new guy. Nice to meet you face to face. But I gotta ask, what took you so long?" He asked.

"This place is RIDICULOUSLY convoluted. No wonder it's a loony bin, you go crazy trying to find your way around in here." I said.

"Well, congrats for finding me, then! Here's your prize." He said, stomping on the safe. The door opened and suddenly a giant hand grabbed it and a huge, 'roided out monster climbed it's way out. "Ooh, he's a big one!" Joker laughed as it jumped down, slamming into the floor just in front of me.

"Oh… My… Gods…" I said, sizing the thing up. It was easily twice my size and, other than its diminished left arm and right leg, 3 times my muscle mass. But that doesn't mean it was stronger than me. "Let's rock, baby." I said in my Dante tone again, putting on the Ifrit gauntlets and greaves. It roared and charged and I smirked, rushing in at it.

Meanwhile, with Batman…

10 minutes earlier, he finished talking to the guard and rushed to go after Zsasz, only to find the guards carrying him on a stretcher back to his cell, looking like an alligator had bitten into him. "What happened to him?" He asked a guard.

"Oh, man, you should've seen it Batman. Your buddy came and sunk into the ground like that guy in Mortal Kombat, then appeared behind Zsasz and turned into this freaky dragon thing, took a bite out of Zsasz and threw him into a wall." The guard said.

"My buddy?" Batman questioned.

"Oh, yeah, he said he was with you. He is definitely on our side." The guard said.

"I'll have to look into that for myself." He said, taking the same path I went and crawling into the air duct, into the room just outside of the decontamination room.

The guard who told me about the toxin turned to see him. "Oh, Batman! You should've seen it! This kid, couldn't have been more than 17, jumped up there and into the contamination room, saved the guards in there and jumped into the toxin to turn on the fans. The toxin didn't even bother him, it's like he was immune!" He said.

"Interesting. I'll have to look into that." Batman said, actually surprised someone could resist the Joker toxin without a gas mask or anything. He went into the contamination room and continued to listen to the various guards' stories and noticed one of Joker's thugs dead from the toxin, but it also looked like he was kicked in the face. "Someone knocked him into the toxin…" He said.

"Yeah, the kid did that. He's a bit darker than you, but hey, he's giving these guys EXACTLY what's coming to them!" The first guard says.

"But it's not in his hands to decide who lives and dies. It's not in anyone's hands to decide that." He said, continuing on.

Back with me…

"DIE!" I said, throwing a fireball at its face, knocking it down, but it just got up again and looked even angrier. "Oh… Maybe that wasn't a good idea.

Back with Batman…

He noticed two more of Joker's thugs, one dead from a broken neck and the other one was apparently killed with a small explosive device. "Must be the kid's handiwork as well. I can't let him get away with this." He said, walking towards the room I was fighting Joker's monster in. He walked in just in time to see the monster throw me across the floor, almost to his feet.

"Ah! Oh, I know how Thor felt when he fought the Hulk." I groaned, doing the martial arts get up and glaring at the monster. "Okay, I'm not screwing around anymore." I said, lighting my right fist on fire, running in and winding up for a massive attack. "Falcon… PUNCH!" I said, smashing the monster in the face, knocking it to the ground, killing it. "Is that all?" I asked.

"Well, that was unexpected, wasn't it? Oh well, note to self, need stronger test subjects." Joker said, holding the brim of his nose, then stepping forward. "Seeing as how I'm feeling generous, I'll give you this one for free." He said, stepping to the edge of the safe and holding his arms out. "Let's see how different you are from the bat! Knock me off. I dare you! Pull the plug! Stop me once and for all." He said.

[Pretty ballsy to put his life in the hands of someone he doesn't know and has seen kill something.]

No wonder they put him in the loony bin!

I looked in consideration for a minute, then nodded. "Okay." I said, pulling out Fire and Ice and aiming for his head.

"No!" A voice behind me said and suddenly, someone grabbed my arm and attempted to wrestle my guns away from me. I managed to pull them back and blasted my attacker in the chest, sending him flying back, but not killing him. It was Batman.

"Oh, great. I was wondering when the goody little two-shoes was gonna show up and cause me trouble." I said annoyed.

Joker laughed in the meantime. "You're getting too predictable, Bats! Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got a party to organize! I've got guests flying in all over Arkham. You'll see." He said as the safe was being craned away, then was gone behind two blast doors.

"Damn!" I said, looking for a way to follow them.

"You must be the one Commissioner Gordon told me about." He said.

"Oh, yeah, the old guy. Sai Blade, how you doing?" I asked.

"It doesn't matter. You killed 4 people and I'm bringing you in. Either come quietly or I'll have to hurt you." He said.

I looked around at that moment. "I'm already in. You can't bring someone to prison if we're already there." I told him as if he was stupid.

"You know what I mean. I'm either putting you in a cell or taking you down." He said.

"Yeah, right. Good luck with that. Any physical damage any human could possibly do to me is nothing to me. I'm practically invincible. Knives, bullets, bombs none of it. Lemme show ya. Watch this." I said, putting both guns to my head and pulling the triggers. I dropped like a sack of potatoes as Batman stood there shocked. I raised my hand suddenly. "Ah! I'm alright, I'm alright. Just give me a second." I said, getting back up.

How did we survive that? I thought we can die if we take head wounds.

[It's like Spawn. We can only die through decapitation… or getting turned into a pile of blood like Alucard does every day.]

(Now then, lesson number 2 for being a badass: Get into unnecessary battles with random strangers.) I thought to inform you guys of step 2.

"You can't hope to stop me, Batman! You're just a pussy who never kills anyone! These people are the lowest scum on Earth! You think by throwing them in here, it will magically make them better?! These guys are beyond help! You wanna change them? Kill them! That's the only way! You might as well just not bring them in, since their only gonna do the same thing when they get out! Everyone they kill is on your hands!" I told him.

"At least I still have morals. Besides, I stop crime and not promote it. You're fanfictions are the worst influences I've ever seen." He said.

I gasped in shock at that moment. "You know me AND you hate my fanfictions?!" I said, shocked.

"Exactly. You're as twisted as the Joker if you think any of the things you say are okay." He said.

I shouted in rage at that moment. "YOU AND ME! RIGHT HERE! RIGHT NOW!" I told him, pointing at him.

"That's a bad idea unless you want most of the bones in your body broken." He said.

"You think I'm scared?!" I demanded, then turned to the 4th wall. "HE THINKS I'M SCARED!" I shouted, then rushed in at him. I blocked a hammerfist he was bringing down at my neck, then grabbed him by the collarbone and inside of his thigh, lifted him into the air and smashed him down to the ground, headfirst, knocking him out and probably fracturing his neck and collar bones. "World's greatest detective my ass! If you read my fanfictions, you would've known to run away, screaming like a bitch and pissing yourself." I scoffed, following the way out.


	4. Intensive Escape

"Sai! Over here!" A guard called, just getting up after having been knocked out, apparently not seeing my little fight with Batman. "What happened to Batman?" He asked.

"Oh, that big mutant... thing there took him down. E-yeah, that was not pretty." I said, shaking my head. "Anyway, what happened here?" I asked.

"They came out of nowhere. I dragged Jerry in here and powered up the gate. Must've passed out." He said.

"You should sit down, probably. What's through that door? Joker just went through it." I told him.

"We call it extreme isolation. The only way to open it is via the transport system." He said.

"Any chance you could open it back up?" I asked.

"No problem. I just need to call another cell." He said, walking off.

"Take your time." I said.

I thought we need him to hurry the hell up?

[True. I don't think Batman will stay knocked out too long. And when he does, there goes our VIP pass to this place.]

"Somethings wrong. The security loop is locked." The guard said.

"[Shit.]"

Suddenly, Joker came on the TV again. "Having a little trouble up there?" He asked.

"Hey, Joker, I thought I was one of your little VIP's. Why the lock up?" I asked.

"I don't want you messing anything up yet. I'm having way too much fun! I even have you and Bats here to keep a smile on my face!" He said.

"Well, you won't when I rip it off." I said.

"We'll see. I gotta run. Ta ta." He said, about to leave, then he stopped. "Oh, I almost forgot. Just in case you or the bat were planning on following me, I've arranged a little insurance. Gordon is on his way to Harley as we speak." Joker said, the screen showing Boles had just knocked out Gordon. Joker laughed. "If I see you trying to follow me, he dies. Harley is looking forward to it. Maybe I'll film it and post it on the Internet." He said.

"So what, I don't even like him. You can go ahead and kill him." I said, but then got a glare from the guard I was just talking to. "Can't let you do that, Joker." I said, turning back to the screen, but it was black. "Well, I guess I'll have to see what I can do about that, then." I sighed.

"the best I can do is open the door you came in from. Sorry." He said.

"That's fine. We all have our parts. Ah, don't tell Batman where I went." I said, walking quickly back down the hallway. This time, I went the other way instead of where the arrows told me to go.

"I bet you're wondering how I did it?" He asked.

"Don't know, don't care. Save it for Batman." I said.

"Oh, me and Frankie go way back! I got him out of a spot of... Bother a few years ago. So when I need security codes or an old man to be clubbed to the ground, I know just the man to ask." He said.

"Exactly why I hate cops. They're dirty and corruptible. Now me or my buddy Damion, we put our morals over money. Damion's the richest bastard I know, anyway." I said, continuing down the path.

Back at the Castro residence...

Damion shivered all of a sudden. "Damion, is something wrong?" His younger sister, Selene, asked in a worried tone.

"I think someone's talking about me." He answered.

"Sai is the only person I know who breaks the 4th wall enough to reference you." She said.

Back to me...

I shivered myself. "Ugh. Someone's talking about me." I said, continuing. I continued for a while until I heard two guys around the corner.

"I hope that hurts, pig." One of the thugs said.

I walked out of cover in plain sight, knowing they'd attack me. The first one swung his club and hit me in jaw, breaking it, but I merely popped it back into place, scaring the shit out of them. "You done doofed." I told him.

"Holy shit, how the hell did you do that?!" He asked in fear as they both backed away.

"Fuck you that's how." I said, pulling out Fire and Ice and blasting them each in... "Shot through the heart!" I said like Bon Jovie. I then continued on to the Holding cells, which reeked of alcohol. "Someone must have a strong drink." I said to myself, looking around. I pretty quickly honed in on a flask on the ground. Thanks super enhanced demon senses! I picked it up and read the name on it: Frank Boles, the guy who knocked out the Commissioner. "There's more than enough traces of it in the air. I'll be able to find this guy in easily 4 minutes." I said, following the trail. I followed it to what appeared to be an elevator room and a guard was trying to work it with no avail.

"Stupid... Unreliable... How did Joker get free?" He asked me.

"He's got friends on the inside." I said. I continued to sniff the air until the smell of alcohol was replaced by the smell of make-up and the girl from before: Harley Quinn dropped onto a railing.

"Hey there, cutie. Sorry, but Mr J. doesn't want you getting to us just yet." She said. She suddenly pulled out a detonator.

"[Oh, shit.]" Me, my voices and the guard all said at once.  
She hit the button and an elevator above blew up and fell downwards at insane speeds while raising the platform thing she was on, allowing for a clean get away while it continued to fall down. "You may wanna move." I said, pushing him back a bit as the elevator crash, the impact sending me back across the ground a bit. "Ow." I said, getting up.

"How'd you like that ninja kid? You're trapped down there 'til me and Mr J. are ready for you." She said, laughing tauntingly.

"I think you'll find I can be very resourceful." I said, looking around for places to jump to. It was actually really simple when you got down to it. There were plenty of places for me to jump to that I could easily reach with one jump. Then in some places, I'd have to shimmy across like Lara Croft in Tomb Raider or crawl through more vents and such. Other jumps that were too high, I'd use the Air Hike trick Dante and Trish taught me to get further and if it was too far for that, I could use Vergil's Air Trick, which is the teleporting thing, for those of you without DMC3, after the Air Hike to clear the gaps. "Ta da!" I said, doing a pose like I landed a jump at the Olympics perfectly.

Hell yeah! 10 points!

[You don't mess with ninja skills.]

I quickly encountered a somewhat larger group of thugs who just beat up and killed a guard. "Oh, isn't this nice, Joker got me a present!" I said, throwing a kunai with a paper bomb on it at the guy in the middle as everyone realized I was there, but before they could do anything, the bomb blew up. "Paper. It can do more than just cut you. It can blow your ass to Kingdom Come." I said, continuing on. I had no option but to crawl through another vent and get to the next room. I suddenly heard gunshots and got to the vent to see a guard get shot and another guard backing up to plead for his life.

"Please! I've got a kid! You don't have to..." He said, but then got blasted.

"What the hell?" I said annoyed. You don't kill a guy with family.

"You're right. I don't have to. I just want to." The thug smirked.

"Now I want to kill you." I said.

"Okay! Boss says no one gets passed! Anything moves, shoot it!" The thug said.

"You got it! Anyone coming this way is dead!" Another one said.

From the sound of it, there were three in total. I merely pulled out Fire and Ice and walked out from behind cover, right in between them. "Hey, guys, how's your health plan?" I asked. They freaked out and screamed at that moment, shooting at me. "Apparently, it's GREAT!" I said, shooting back, killing them easily.

Back at DMC...

"Guys, be honest with me, what are we looking at in terms of collateral with Sai at that asylum?" Lady asked.

"Well..." Dante said.

"The Sai amount." Trish said while at the asylum I was still loading up guys with bullets.

Back with me...

I just snuck up behind a guy talking to Joker on the TV thing. I turned around to look at the 4th wall to see if you guys were ready. "You ready?" I asked, nodding in confirmation, backflipping, landing in front of him and with 2 katanas, I cut off his head, then his arms, turning back to face Joker.

"Well, that was quite the show! I suppose I should warn my boys that you're coming... Hey, maybe I wont'! It'll be a nice surprise!" He said.

"Hope your boys are expendable, then." I said, going through another vent. I reached the end and saw a perfectly unsuspecting guard when suddenly...

"Joker here with a quick update of what's new in the asylum! Attention: we have an escaped patient! Looks like a goth version of Dante from Devil May Cry! Should be considered OP and dangerous. Personally I think the best solution is to put him out of his misery! It's the only reliable cure!" Joker laughed over the PA system.

I paused for a moment, pure rage putting my brain in shut-down. "Did he... Just say... WE LOOK LIKE DANTE?!"I demanded, seething in rage.

Okay, this story will not have a sequel, as JOKER WILL DIE!

[Kill. Him.]

I pushed the vent open silently with my foot, pushing the cover off the hinges, crawled out, grabbed the vent cover and beat the still unsuspecting thug to death with it.

"YOU'RE GONNA DIE, CLOWN!" I shouted, attracting the attention of the other two thugs, who showed up and aimed their guns at me. "Now, now, let's be civil! We can talk about this." I said, throwing the vent cover at the nearest thug, cutting his head off.

"Holy shit! This guys a monster!" The last one said, stepping closer and aiming his gun.

"Let's just calm down." I said reassuring raising my hands as a sign he should calm down. Regardless, he still loaded my chest up with bullets. "I don't deserve this." I said in an annoyed tone, looking down at all the bullet holes. The dude also looked down at the holes, not believing I was still standing, looking back up when he saw the glare of fire.

"Oh, god, no!" He pleaded.

"Rejoice. Very bad things are about to happen." I said, walking closer to him with the fire in my hands.

"No, god, please! No! NO!" He shouted, tripping and looking up at my eyes in fear, seeing they were on fire.

We may have to censor this scene!

[Yeah, this definitely looks like it might get R rated.]

The screen goes black for the next 5 minutes, all that can be heard is a guy screaming and a raging fire burning something...

The screen went back to normal again and I was sitting in a lawn chair, drinking a little iced tea with a sun lamp beaming down on me, wearing sunglasses. "Sorry about that, guys. Where were we?" I asked, kicking the lamp away and tossing away the iced tea and sunglasses, burning the lawn chair.

"Did you really think it was gonna be THAT easy, kid? I've sent a few more of my boys down there. Let's see how you deal with these odds." Joker laughed.

"That was easy?" I said, pulling the last bullet out of my chest

3 more guys suddenly dropped down and took aim at me. "There he is! Waste 'em!" The leader said as they all fired, loading my chest up with bullets again.

"Oh, come on!" I said, looking down at the wounds.

"Holy shit! He's still standing! What is this guy?!" The leader asked.

"Hey, have you guys heard the new sensation that's sweeping the nation?" I asked, pulling out Seras' Harkonnen, which is the official name for her... "Bitches love cannons." I said, pulling the trigger.

Meanwhile, back at the Hellsing Mansion...

"Master? Sir Integra? Has anyone seen my cannon?" She asked, looking all around. She took one last look in the place she normally keeps in and saw an I.O.U note. "SAI!" She shouted.

Back to me...

"Good thing we're not the ones who has to clean that up." I said, observing the carnage.

And I thought our bullet spelling was good!

[The work of an artist.]

We climbed up where the guys had climbed down and found Boles, dead. Pale as a ghost, a green smile painted on his face. "Yeesh! Tough break." I said.

How are we gonna find the old geezer now?

[Don't worry. Plot progression is on our side.]

At that moment, a nearby door was opened by a guard, which was a pleasant surprise. "Sai! Over here!" He called.

"Nice to see someone with a gun who isn't pointing it at me." I said, walking up.

"It was a massacre! Boles came walking in, telling everyone to cover the front entrance! Said something about Joker's army coming through the main gate. Two of my guys moved to the exit and Frank shot 'em dead. They never stood a chance." He said.

"Well, if it's any consolation, his deeds did not go unpunished." I said, holding my arm out to draw attention to Frank's dead body.

"I thought he was alone, but then I saw Harley Quinn. She was surrounded by Black Gate prisoners. They were just killing everyone in the room." He said.

"Sounds harsh." I said with a considerate nod.

"I had no choice! I got in here, locked the door. I could see it on the security feed. They had someone with them. It looked like the Commissioner." He said.

"I'm mostly targeting the Joker, but if I can, I'll try to save the Commissioner and if not, Batman will get to that, I'm positive." I said.

"Thank you. And it's good Boles is dead. He was scum!" The guard said, then turned to his dead buddy. "I'll look after Maria. I promise." He said.

I saw this and, surprising to myself, I seemed to feel something similar to compassion or whimsy. "I'll get revenge for him. I swear." I said, walking off.

Gods, we're getting soft.

[Yes, we are. We'll have to solve that.]

"And the best way I know how: Brutally murdering the Joker even faster than that one time we were an intern surgeon at the hospital." I said.

Flashback (this is what actually happened when I played Surgeon Simulator 2013)...

I was to preform open heart surgery on this guy. I showed and tried to remove the cover above the opening, but that was a pain in the ass. After about half a minute, I finally removed it and got to work. The first order of business was getting around the guys screwed up rib cage. "Who the hell has ribs like this?! This isn't how ribs actually look!" I said, then shrugged. "Oh, well, let's see what we got here? Uh..." I said, picking up a hammer." Yeah, let's go with this." I said, then in one quick strike, broke out the entire rib cage. "Yeah, that worked well. Only lost 1000 milliliters of blood, that's not so bad. Okay..." I said, pulling out each individual rib. "Outta my way ribs! You don't need ribs." I told him as I pulled them all out, then went for the lungs. "Okay, now just get these out of here. Don't worry, it's only a lung. You don't need lungs. 'Kay, don't think you need that- Hey, shouldn't these be attached? Oh well. You don't need that. You don't need that." I said soothingly, dropping them... over the edge. "Oh, shit, I dropped his lung! Uh... Don't worry I got someone to come in later to put everything back together." I said, then looked at the heart and at my tools. "Nah, let's just do it old school." I said, trying to pull out the heart but it wouldn't work. "Ugh! Come on! This is so much easier in Mortal Kombat!" I said, then gave up. "Okay, maybe I'll try using the saw" I said, picking up the small buzz saw-looking utensil and carefully cutting at the tubes connecting the heart, but that did way more damage than I wanted. "Oh, shit! Okay, uh... Stab him with that, stop the bleeding." I said, giving him the drug to stop the bleeding. Then I picked up the scalpel. "Okay, now I just have to delicately cut out the heart. Delicately..." I said, trying to cut more, than I dropped it in him. "Oh, shit, I lost it in him!" I panicked, but then noticed all the tubes holding the heart were cut. "Okay, nothing's holding it in, maybe I can get it now." I said, trying, but I still couldn't. "Oh, come on! What's still holding it in?!" I demanded, looking around, but it should've been loose. "Okay, maybe I'll just put in the new heart right now. Maybe he needs 2." I said, putting the new one in. "No, that didn't work either." I said, then looked at how much blood he had left: Less than 500 milliliters and declining fast. "NO! NO! Don't you die on me, you son of a bitch!" I said but then came the dreaded long beep. "Well, he's dead. Fuck it, I'mma go out to lunch." I said, walking out.

Back to now...

I had to walk through a locker room and now was crawling through yet another ventilation system. "Jeez! This is a job for a plumber or Spider-Man. I should NOT have to be crawling through a bunch of damn vents." I grumbled. After a while, I managed to find the end of the vent and climb out into what looked like some weird cave. "Okay, weird." I said, walking through and climbing up to a ledge that I'm guessing was the exit and from there, I saw an exit to what looked like a city. I continued on and found out sadly, that it was still a part of this hellhole, but at least I was outside and could move around. "Finally, outside. Now I can probably get better reception and get a better grasp of my surroundings... Besides, I do like the fresh air." I said, jumping down.

Meanwhile, with Batman he had traversed the same obstacles I previously cleared for him and now caught up with the other guard. "Batman! Thank god! When I saw your buddy there instead of you, I got worried. Glad to see you're okay, though." The guard said.

"He's not my friend. He's a monster just like Joker and needs to be stopped." Batman said angrily.

"I don't know if I agree with you on that, but he said he was going after Joker and if he could, he'd save the Commissioner. He also said you would save the Commissioner if he couldn't." The guard said.

"He was right about that. But he won't do anything. I'm going to put a stop to whatever he's doing." Batman said.

"Good luck, then, Batman!" The guard called, but once Batman was out of the room. "But I'm not sure if you can..." He finished.


	5. Medical Murder, not from Surgery, either

I jumped down from the cliff, doing a couple of stylish flips and spins in mid-air and still landing perfectly. "Skillz!" I laughed, continuing on when the little jingle for the announcements came on again.

"Hm… Harley tells me that the Batman's car is still parked just outside of the Intensive Treatment building. Now, we can't have him just up and leave us, can we?" Joker asked.

"Batman's car?" I asked no one in particular mischievously, rubbing my hands together.

[That's a sweet ride if I ever knew one.]

We'd TOTALLY have a new pussy wagon!

"Let's go, boys!" I said, rushing off. Using my enhanced demon senses (Gotta love 'em), I located the Batmobile easily. I was also able to get around easily because for the most part, the guards were still in control of the area and they heard from the other guards I was on their side. Anyway, I arrived on-scene to find them smashing up the Batmobile with a bunch of broken pipes and such. "Oh, goddammit! You ruined my new pussy wagon and I didn't even get a chance to drive it, yet." I said, folding my arms, glaring at them.

"Oh, shit, it's that demon kid! Get him!" One of them said as they all attacked.

"Ch-ch-ch-check you privilege!" I said, slamming my fist into his face. He went to the ground and I grabbed him by the ankle. "I'll be you motherfuckers… WITH ANOTHER MOTHERFUCKER!" I said, swinging the guy as a weapon, beating the shit out of the other guys. When they were all dead, I dropped the guy I was holding and turned to the 4th wall. "Let's see the bat do THAT, huh? Deadpool taught me that." I said, continuing on, having no use for the wrecked-ass vehicle.

Shortly after I left, Batman arrived on the scene. He quickly noticed the bodies of the dead inmates. "Sai must've been here. He bludgeoned them to death, but I have no idea what type of weapon he used. I've never seen impacts like these. I may need more equipment. There's a supply of explosive gel in the trunk of the Batmobile." He said, opening it and collecting it.

Back with me…

Me and my head voices read the scene above. What?! There was exploding gel in there! Dammit, we always miss the good shit!

[Call it our rotten luck.]

"Whatever, who needs some gel you can only put of flat, level surfaces when you got a magic trench coat with everything but a kitchen sink in it." I said.

[Ohh, good point.]

"By the way, you readers may have been wondering what I've been doing for the minute and a half, depending, of course, on your reading speed, you left me for. Well, I found a pipe on the ground and followed the nasty-ass smell of tobacco, melted a security door by heating up and walking through it, then traced the smell all the way back to the Medical building. I walked through the door to find Harley behind a security gate, playing with her hair and humming something to herself.

She then noticed me. "Hey! What are you doing here?! Buzz off! This is my ME time." She said.

I hope she means that in the way I think she does.

[I second that.]

"Well, if it's THAT time, go right ahead, just pretend I'm not here. By the way, where's the old guy at? I need him to stay on the guards' good sides. Less bullets in my chest that way." I told her.

"Well, he ain't here." She huffed.

"She's lying, I'm over here!" He said from somewhere else in the room.

"Shut up!" She said, throwing something at him.

"Ah! Crazy bitch!" He snapped.

"Now, now, children, that's enough. Harley, it's not nice to throw things. Gordon, that's no way to talk to a lady." I said.

Suddenly, Joker came on the TV. "Harley!" He snapped. She shrieked and jumped up, walking over to the screen. "Good to see you've found him. If it's not a bad time, maybe we could have a little chat, you know, in a friendly manner." He said.

"I'd be friendlier if you didn't start this mess in the first place. Now I can't get off this damn island the easy or legal way and honestly, you've kinda made me feel sorry for the guards you've been killing. Oh and calling me a Goth version of Dante, that makes me want to rip all your vital organs out through your throat." I said, glaring at him.

"Well, then. Good thing you can't get to me, yet." He said, the screen going back to the Arkham sign.

"Sorry, Sai. That's your name, right? Well, either way. You'll have to find another way through. Bye now!" She said, doing a cartwheel and leaving my line of sight.

"Gordon, is she gone and are you still there?" I asked. No answer, so I decided to make an entrance. "How's this for another way?!" I asked, throwing fireballs and blowing up the security gate projectors, powering down the electric wall. "I am the best goddamn electrician since Deadpool." I said, walking through.

Meanwhile, at Deadpool's apartment…

"Oh, boy, what a day. Wonder what's on the old boob tube?" He asked, plopping down in his recliner and clicking the button. His TV came on and there was nothing but static. So he kicked it. And it started working again.

Back with me…

"Dammit! The old man's not here. I'll have to look elsewhere." I said, continuing further.

Back to Batman…

Having thought that the main entrance I went through was blocked, Batman decided he'd need another way into the medical facility. He got up to the roof and blew up a structural weakness, revealing a door to get into the medical lab. Once he got in, just as I did were I was, he heard an announcement from Joker. "I want all of the doctors rounded up. Search every room, every office and every trash can. If another doctor tries to escape and runs out of the medical building. You won't! I'll just flood the room with Happy Gas and watch you choke to death. Hell, I may do that anyway. Sounds fun." He said, going off the intercom.

"If he's hunting the doctors, I'll have to hurry." Batman said, making his way through more air vents.

Back to me…

"Oh, it's never easy." I sighed, walking off to find out where these doctors were.

"Get off of me!" I heard a girl say.

"Shut up! Get down there with the others." A thug snapped.

"Bingo." I said, opening the door.

"Why does he need the doctors? I've got to save them!" I heard Batman say, no matter how quiet he was trying to be.

"Fantastic. I think I'll leave this to him. Fighting him is just an annoying distraction. Like Xiaoyu or Chun-Li." I said, then turned to the 4th wall. "Tekken and Street Fighter fans, don't kill me. It was a joke. I'm a fan of both and Xiaoyu is very cute, but against someone like me, they can literally only be minor distractions." I said, walking off.

After a while, I found myself in the X-ray room, where I was hearing more chatter between thugs and a doctor. She was saying how she wanted to talk to Joker to settle things and the thugs would have basically no part of it. If I didn't do something now, she was going to be killed. I walked up to the door and knocked politely. "Pizza delivery." I said.

"What? Who the hell ordered Pizza?" One thug said.

"You dumbass. It has to be a trap. Go waste whoever it is!" Another one ordered.

I could hear someone behind the door at that moment, so I kicked them off their hinges, crushing the 2 guys standing in the back and the guy who was about to answer the door behind it and stepping in front of the doctor as the other one took aim at her. "Here, try a slice!" I said, throwing a piece of pizza into his mouth, because he was screaming.

"Hey, not bad. What is it?" He asked.

"My specialty: Cyanide." I smirked as he collapsed, dead. I laughed. "Oh, damn, I love doing that." I said, then turned to the doctor. "I think you should be safe here." I told her.

"Wait! They took other staff members! You have to go and help them!" She told me.

"Ugh. This is just like writing these Fanfictions: So many distractions, it takes forever to accomplish the main objectives." I grumbled, walking off.

[For those of you wondering: yes, that's true. We're easily distracted by other things on the Internet, so it takes us forever to get back on task and finish these things.]

Yeah, we get distracted by the simplest things like- Ooh, shiny!

"Uh… No comment." I said. I burst into another room and saw two inmates taunting the guard named Cash and the doctor he was protecting. They were completely oblivious to me walking up behind them. I pulled out Fire and Ice at arm's reach and put the barrels to the back of their heads. "Boom. Headshot." I said, then pulling the trigger.

"Oh, hey, I heard of you. You're the one whacking all the inmates, huh? They deserve it." He said.

"Thanks. It's nice to have the support of the faculty. The only person who DOESN'T condone my actions is Batman, but he's not here, so I don't care. What's the situation?" I asked.

"The rooms filling up with Joker's Happy Gas. I could sit in here all day, but the doc ain't looking so good." He said.

"Don't worry. I'm great at getting fans to work." I said.

Flashback…

It was hot as hell in the summer and I turned a fan onto high. It was plugged in and everything, but it wasn't working. So I kicked it. And then it started working again!

Back to now…

I kicked the doors open, unaffected by the gases, walking through and punching the buttons that looked like they went to the fans. I also noticed a thug hanging on for dear life above the toxin. So I burnt the rope he was holding onto, making him fall into the toxin. "You can't save 'em all." I shrugged, hitting the last button.

"Surprise, surprise! Our little Anti-hero kills the bad guy and saves the good guy just in time! Next time, Cash, I'll shoot you and be done with it." Joker said over the intercom.

"If it's any consolation, when I find him, I'mma kick his ass." I told Cash.

"Good on ya. We lock him up, he just gets free and more people die. If I had just one minute alone with that animal…" He said.

"I know what you mean. Criminals think they can get away with damn near anything and with our justice system, they're right. We have a BAIL system. 'You killed 10 cops. 10 years in Prison. Bail is at 1 million dollars, but you only need to pay 100,000. Your lawyer pays the rest.' Or something like that, anyway." I said, walking off. "Okay, now we just need to get back on track. Where's the plot device god from Inuyasha abridged when you need him?" I asked.

Hey, you guys remember those pranks we used to pull when we were intern surgeons?

[Ah, yes. That's what ended our career, not the brutal surgical murders.]

Flashback part 1…

I walked up to a person in the ER and watched his life monitor: Boop, boop, boop… Then I turned it off: Beeeee- "Just kidding!" I said, turning it back on and laughing hysterically.

Flashback part 2…

I walked into the morgue with a couple of my other intern buddies and looked around to see if any doctors were in there. I opened up one of the things the bodies were in and picked up the corpse on it, working his mouth like a puppet. "Well, it's a pleasure to be here today!" I made him say, to which we all almost died laughing from.

End flashback…

I sighed in satisfaction. "[Ahh, good times, good times.]"

"Now you should go back to tracking down that tobacco sample, Sai." The Plot Device God said.

"And there it is." I said, going off.

I arrived back at the Sanatorium and regrouped with the doctors. "Did you find them? Are they okay?" The red head girl, Dr. Cassidy, asked.

"Yeah. I saved Dr. Young and the other dude that wasn't Dr. Chen and Batman saved Dr. Chen. Now I need to get going before Batman gets here and makes my job harder." I said.

"Hey, kid! We got another problem." Cash said, walking up with Dr. Young. Batman was behind them.

"For the record, I have a name: Sai. And Batman, go away. You do things your way; I'll do things my way. All the guards seem to like my way best, too." I said.

"I don't like your way." He said, about to attack again, but I did the Vulcan Neck Pinch on him and knocked him out. "Someone get a doctor." I smirked.

"What the?!" Cash said, about to point his gun at me.

"Hey, what's the issue? It was self-defense. I'm still on your side. And technically his. He's just not on my side." I said calmly.

"I need to get back to the mansion. All my research notes are there. We can't risk Joker getting his hands on them." She said.

"I don't think that's a good idea. The last doctor that got out got turned into Swiss cheese." I said.

"It's my life's work! You don't really have the authority to-." She said, me raising my hands up as a sign for her to chill, then Cash interrupted.

"I'll get her there, Sai. You just do what you gotta do. If you ask me, it's about time for a little payback." He said.

"Cool. I gotta get back to tracking down Gordon's tobacco samples to find him. Probably a good idea NOT to tell Batman where I went. As you've seen, he's not really helping my cause. Just getting in the way." I said, suddenly, there was an alarm. "Someone call an elevator?" I ask.

"It wasn't us. It must have come from down below." Dr. Cassidy said.

"You guys should go hide again. I might have to do some badass ninja killing." I said, pulling out a couple of katanas. I climbed up to where the elevator was just as it opened, I also tossed a certain red and white item into the air as they came out of the elevator and took aim at me. "Only 3 guys? I'm a little insulted." I said, throwing one katana into the front guy's head, throwing the other one horizontally with a spinning motion to cut the guy on the left in half at the waist (I put one hand on the butt of the hilt of the sword and the other hand on the edge of the blade, then turned my hands as I threw it).

"Holy shit! What the hell are you, some kind of monster?!" The last guy asked, stepping forward and putting the barrel of the rifle to my head.

"A demon, but pretty close." Then I looked behind him. "Oh, my gods! There's a giant snake with big-ass fangs and a bladed tail is about to attack you!" I said, pointing behind him.

"Yeah, right! You must be stupid if you think I'm gonna fall for-." But he was cut off mid-sentence.

"Seviper!" The Fang Snake Pokemon announced as she (the first Seviper I caught in the games was Female) grabbed the unfortunate thug in her mouth and, I'm assuming, punctured both of his lungs with her fangs.

"Holy shit!" I said, somewhat shocked at the damage as she proceeded to repeatedly throw him into walls and eventually break his neck with a Poison Tail. "THAT is why I use Pokémon in these fanfictions." I said, petting the snake Pokémon and withdrawing her. "Now then, what else can I kill?" I asked, entering the elevator.


	6. Tripping balls and thrown into walls

I got in an elevator and rode it down when Joker came on. "Too easy! I've got you trapped in a little metal box hanging precariously over a deadly drop!" He said increasingly menacingly.

I nodded in consideration to that. "Fair point." I said.

"What say I just blow the emergency brake and drop you like a sack of puppies?" He asked sinisterly.

"What?! Why would you drop puppies?!" I asked in disbelief of the evil.

"Say goodnight, Sai!" He said. I thought he was going to do it, which wouldn't affect me anyway, but then he simply went. "Boom!" Then laughed. "Only joking. I've got a few more surprises in store for you. Get ready to face your fears." He said, then the screen went to static.

"Yeah, right! I'm not afraid of anything." I said confidently.

The door opened and then a bunch of guys were screaming. "Crane, no, please! Don't do this!" One guy screamed.

"Crane? There is no Crane here." An ominous voice said.

"They're all over me."

Sounds like some guys are tripping on acid.

[From the sound of it, I'd say some fear-inducing hallucinogenic agent.]

"They have those?" I asked. "I've gotta get some of that, just a little present for Nero." I said, smirking at the thought of him freaking out.

"Only Scarecrow." The ominous voice said again.

I got closer and saw everyone freaking out, then one freaky-looking inmate threw himself up to the glass. "Get me out of here!"He said.

Then, in the back, I noticed a creepy silhouette. "Looks like we gotta go after him." I said, following the path, hoping it lead to him.

I broke through a wall and went through a strange cavern/corridor and continued on, but things started feeling REALLY weird. "Ugh… What happened? I haven't felt like this…" I started, starting to space out a bit.

[Since back when we were an intern at the hospital…]

And we accidentally jabbed ourselves with a syringe when we were performing surgery…

Flashback…

I was performing yet another bloody surgery (that once again ended in brutal murder achieved over a very short amount of time, drilling through the guys internal organs and such to loosen his intestines to get to his kidneys, but I SOMEHOW opened a large wound in his intestines, bleeding profusely. "Oh, no! He's losing a lot of blood!" I panicked, then dropped the drill. "Oh, I lost the thing!" I said, then reached for the syringe, but accidentally poked my fingers on the tip, causing everything to go psychedelic and trippy. It looked like disoriented waves of double-vision in green and purple. **"OHHH! WHAT'S GOIN' ON?!" **I slurred, trying to focus. I kept trying to syringe the guy's face to keep him in the world of the living. **"LIIIIVE YOOOUUU MOTHERFUCKER!" **I said, injecting him over and over. **"Oh, dammit! I'll stop your bleedin'!" **I said, but then I dropped it. **"Oh, shit, I lost the pen! NOOOOO!" **I screamed, reaching for the next one. **"Hold on! I'll use this one!" **I said, grabbing it and bringing it to his face. **"I will make sure you live!"** I told him, jabbing him a few times, but it didn't do anything. **"What does this pen do? What does anything do?" **I asked, then he died. **"Dammit, now I have to go get the FUCKING dragon balls."** I said, then passed out as I tried to take a step.

Back to now…

"**Oh, no, not again!" **I said, dazed, breaking through the grate and crawling out. **"Ey, Gordon? **Where** are ya, man? I'mma comin'… Just- just try to hang on…" **I said, shambling my way down the hall, finding a dead guy at the turn. **"Oh, no, someone else is dead! I didn't do it this time!" **I shouted. I then opened up the doors at the end of the path I was following, winding up in the morgue. **"Hey. I know this place! I've put a lot of people in here! I hope no one put Gordon in here. The cops would have a reason to SHOOT me again." **I said, staggering into the middle of the room.** "Okay, whoever drugged me get your ass out- why isn't anyone here?" **I asked, then heard a bunch of voices telling me to get out. **"Fine, I'm going. Stupid room, anyway." ** I said, staggering out, opening the door and finding myself in another morgue.

"**Oh, shit! I'm in the Twilight Zone! I am SO fucked. Hey, body bags." **I said, dragging myself over and opening them. There was some man and woman I didn't know, but then a third one showed up. **"Oh, my gods, there's a third one from nowhere! This IS the damn Twilight zone!" **I shouted, but walked over and opened it, anyway. A freaky, stitched up zombie thing with a potato sack for a hood popped up. **"OH, JESUS!" **I shouted, pulling a hammer out of my coat pocket and beating the shit out of it. Finally, whatever I was tripping on wore off and I came to my senses. "Oh, thank the gods, I'm coming down." I said, calmly walking out.

[For those of you now curious like "hey, why didn't he have the full hallucination?", we're a demon, we are immune to all poisons and cannot feel the full effect of hallucinogens.]

They do make us trip balls, though.

"Right. SO, where the hell are we and where are we going?" I asked, then looked at the floor to see green arrows. "Oh." I said, deadpanning and following them.

Meanwhile…

Batman finally woke up with the doctors. "What happened?" He asked.

"That kid Sai knocked you out. He took the elevator down to where Surgery and the morgue is. But, he told us not to tell you." Dr. Cassidy informed him.

"You made the right decision telling me, doctor. He's dangerous. Even I don't know what he's capable of yet." He said, going to the elevator.

Back with Scarecrow…

"Ugh…" He groaned in pain, holding his head from all the damage I did to it with the hammer, trying to get up, but passed out again (That's what I'm capable of).

Back with me…

I beat the shit out of 3 guys when Joker came on the intercom again. "That's it. No more tricks. Just one last puzzle and you can have Gordon. And a little more. Oh, I can't wait!" He said, excitedly.

"And I can't wait to beat the shit out of you." I said, continuing to follow the arrows.

You're still pissed about the Dante thing, aren't you?

"Of course. Didn't you read or pay attention when we wrote our character bio? 'If anyone says I look like Dante or Nero, HELL SHALL BEFALL THEM.'" I told the voice.

[No one disses us and gets away with it.]

I eventually went through one more door in some weird room, I don't know what the hell it was, but then Joker came on the TV again. "Your precious police commissioner is just through the glass. Take a look!" He said.

"Hey, I don't like him. I'm just saving him to ensure I stay on the guards' good sides." I said, then looked. True to his word, Gordon was tied to a chair with Harley walking around the room, holding an assault rifle.

"Harley is under strict instructions to KILL the old man if any of my guys even THINK you're in the room. They're patrolling down there. I've told them all either you or bats is on the way." He explained.

"That's fine, I always liked a challenge. Batman is probably waking up about right now from the Vulcan Neck Pinch, anyway." I said.

"Classy. Here's the deal: If you can find a way to get to Harley without anyone realizing, I'll give you your next present. Fail and the old codger dies." He said.

"Time out! The hell's a codger?" I said, pulling out my phone and Googling the definition. "Oh. Okay." I said, putting it away.

"Hell, you win and I may even give you Harley. Bet you could have some fun with her." He said.

"No thanks, I've got a lady. An incredibly violent Lady that would slice my favorite appendage off if she ever thought I cheated on her." I said.

"Sounds rough. Anyway, if any of my boys see you, hear you or even smell you, the old man dies!" Joker said, turning off his end on the TV.

I then raised my arm and smelled myself. "Hm… I should lighten up with that Lavender cologne. Still smells way too strong and the last time I used it was yesterday." I said.

So, how are we gonna get in without making the whole room smell like flowers that make people sleepy?

[Any ideas?]

"Okay, here's the plan:" I said, then motion like I'm breaking through a wall or something, then bitch-slapped someone, then pulled out a knife and cut something, then posed like someone showing off their muscles. "Everybody got that?" I asked.

…. HUH?

[We're going to break through the glass like Robocop breaking through a wall, bitch-slap Harley, untie Gordon and everyone will think we're a hero.]

OHHH….

"Right then." I said, breaking through the glass, putting the smackdown on Harley and untied Gordon.

"You. You're that kid who was shouting and rampaging about being brought in." He said.

"Yeah, my sister didn't get here on time. Then the whole island got shut down because of the clown. Hey, that rhymed!" I said, amused.

"Well, listen, we're not alone. He's got something else down there. I don't know what it is." He said, gesturing to a room in the middle.

"Right then. You don't mind if I shoot the bad guys down there do you? I didn't take the long way, so I didn't take them out yet." I said, looking at him.

"I'd probably shoot most of them myself." He said.

"FINALLY! Cops that don't mind me killing people." I said, jumping onto the roof of the room in the middle and pulling out Fire and Ice, holding them out to the sides, aiming for the guys to the left and right. "Riverside, motherfucker!" I shouted, then shot them as that song began playing.

"Nice marksmanship. I like the entrance, too." Gordon said, walking up to the room.

"If there's one thing I've learned from ALL the people I've learned from-" I said, pausing.

[Except Deathstroke.]

Yeah, but I don't think he'll like us anymore if we tell him we're the apprentice of the world's greatest assassin.

"You've gotta make a scene." I finished, jumping down. We then walked into the room.

He went to the computer in the room, but was denied access. "It wants Doctor Young's log-in." He said.

"Hey, should we be worried about that?" I asked, pointing to the guy suspended by chains in the middle of the room.

"Bane! I thought he broke out of Blackgate!" He said.

"Bane? I heard from Deathstroke- I mean, someone else, that Bane was massive, hulking monster with green veins. This guy looks as thin as a vein." I said.

"Cut. Me. Down." Bane said weakly, also like he hadn't had something to drink for a while.

"Oh, yeah, sure. How do I do that?" I asked, looking around.

"Don't do it. I promise you'll regret it." Gordon said.

"Okay, no can do. You at least want some water?" I asked, pulling out a bottle of Aquafina.

"Doctor Young. The 'Bruja'. She drained the Venom from my blood. Must… Stop… Her…" He said.

"Huh. Normally having no venom in your blood is a good thing." I said.

Then, Joker came on the little TV beside us. "Sorry, Has-Bane, the good doctor won't be a problem much longer." He smirked, then looked at us. "How do you like my puppet? What say we cut him down?" He said, pressing a button on something that looked like a detonator.

Quick! Change the channel!

[-.- Really?]

Oh, come on, we HAD to make that reference. That was the only good thing about that crappy Street Fighter movie.

Anyway, Bane suddenly began screaming as red emergency lights began flashing along with blaring alarms and the thing on Bane's back started pumping what had to be the venom Deathstroke told me about into his body, making him super buff.

"Damn. And I thought Captain America's 'roids worked wonders." I said. Gordon then ran as Bane broke free and rushed at me. "Wow, he's getting really close- oh fu-!" I said as he slammed into me and threw me through a wall. "The hell was that for?" I said, weakly, getting up and healing as Bane climbed through the opening in the wall.

"Play nice, ladies." Joker said as Bane made his way all the way through.

"Well you sound like one. In your face, clown!" I said.

[OH, WE JUST DISSED HIM!]

"So, you are Deathstroke's famous apprentice." Bane said.

"'Suuup?" I said.

He's told us all about you. The fire demon. Who bathes in the oceans of blood he spills, beyond human. A monster with a raging fire that makes the fiercest flames of hell seem cold!" Bane continued, increasing the emphasis more and more.

"Oh, you dirty bitch, work the shaft!" I smirked.

"What?!" He demanded.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I- heh… I like to dirty talk when someone's SUCKING MY DICK." I said loudly.

"You will die for your mockery!" He said, charging, but I easily dodged.

"Missed me~!" I said in sing-song, shooting the weird metal thing coming out of his back a few times, but that did nothing. "Okay, bullets don't work. Try fire." I said, looking at my guns and putting them away, lighting my hands on fire and looking up… Just in time to see him ram into me and smash into a wall, crushing me in between him and the wall.

"Deathstroke was indeed wrong about you! You are weak!" He said, trying to crush me with his hands.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Maybe I should actually start trying." I said, kicking him in the chest and sending him back.

With Batman…

He finally encountered the commissioner and ran up to check on him. "Gordon! Are you alright?" He asked.

"Yeah. That kid Sai saved me. He's not that bad, actually." Gordon said.

"But where is he right now?" Batman asked

*Dramatic music*

Back with me…

I was dealing good damage to Bane, but every time he hit me, he sent me flying like a ragdoll and broke both the wall he threw me into and a good number of my bones. That didn't matter, though, as it healed the instant after it happened. He grabbed me one more time and threw me against one of the pillars in the corner, where I slumped down for a moment. "You cannot defeat me! My power and endurance make yours seem pathetic. Compared to you or the bat, I am a demigod!" Bane roared, sounding triumphant.

"Really? Really?" I asked.

"Really."

"Really?!"

"Really!"

"REALLY?!"I shouted, looking up, my eyes piercing red.

"REALLY!" He snapped.

I stood up at that moment, rising into the air, darkness twisting around me. "Feel the power of the Devil Trigger." I said, transforming into my demon form, which looks like Dante's Nevan Devil Trigger, but with the wings from Vergil's Beowulf Devil Trigger and I'm black, not red.

"Devil what?" Bane asked, finishing his sentence just in time before I slammed my knee into his face, then grabbed him and threw him into the wall, breaking most of it. I grabbed him again after that and ran along the walls of the room either slamming him into them or dragging him through them, brutally injuring him and destroying the machine on his back. I finished as most of the walls were wrecked, then threw him into the back wall one more time.

"**Come on! You were talking all that good shit a minute ago! Then I went demon and kicked your FUCKING ass!" **I said evilly, standing over him, my voice having a demonic echo.

"What type of monster are you?!" He said in fear and disbelief.

"**What's wrong, demigod! Try pumping more of that venom! Put more of your strength into this! Hit me! FIGHT ME! … Give me a hug." **I said evilly.

Bane looked up again, furious. "Your mockery ends here!" He shouted. He got up, charged and grabbed me, continuing to run and slammed us both through a wall to the outside, near what looked like the docks. "I will break you! Then the 'Bruja!'" He snapped, trying to crush me in a bear hug.

"**Oh, don't worry! I plan on breaking your BITCH ASS first!" **I said, grabbing his face and burning it with my hands on fire.

Suddenly, we both hear an engine coming and turned to see the Batmobile coming at us. We looked back to one another and clung to each other in fear, bracing for impact as the car slammed into us. Batman and Gordon looked as the car, along with us, sank, then walked to the boat ready to take Gordon back.

"Jim, get back to the mainland. It's too dangerous here." Batman said.

"I don't like leaving you here alone." Jim said.

"The radio claims Joker has planted bombs all over Gotham. Gotham will panic. You're needed there." He said.

"We're ready to go, sir." The guard on the boat said.

Gordon nodded, then turned back to Batman. "Bane called Doctor Young 'Bruja.' What does it mean?" He asked.

"It's Spanish… For 'Witch.'" Batman said, walking away.

Back with me…

I was now in my human form again, managing to break away from Bane and the car and swam into a sewer system. I popped back out and took a breath of much-needed air. "Thank god I decided not to add my weakness to water in this story." I said, climbing out of the water.

Why did we give ourselves a weakness in the first place?

[We were trying not to seem too OP. But as of now, we're gonna say 'screw it, we can be as OP as we want.']

Hell yeah.

"Well, I think we'll be fine as long as we don't run into any other 9 foot tall person as buff as the Hulk." I said, about to start walking when…

"What are you doing in my lair?" A voice hissed behind me. I turned around to see a giant, 9 foot tall, scaly crocodile man: Killer Croc, the same guy who wanted to eat Batman earlier. I stared him in the eyes for a few seconds, then began crying because I was gonna die.


	7. Messin' around in a mansion

"Oh, shit, um… How you doin', sir? Look, I'm sorry, this is your territory. My bad, can I just get out of here?" I asked, slowly backing away from the reptilian Hulk.

"What are you doing in my lair?" He hissed again, glaring at me with the full intent to kill.

"Well, you know the guy, Bane? I was fighting him and then that douchebag Batman hit us with his car and I wound up here. It's not my fault, please, DON'T hurt me." I said, still backing away.

"No one enters my lair… And lives." He growled.

"Okay, shit. Uh… Can't we talk this over, please?" I said, holding my phone behind my back and dialing an emergency number for when shit gets real.

"No. We can't. I am going to strip the bones from your flesh! I will leave nothing left of you! You will be my next meal." He said, walking forward.

"Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait! You don't want to eat me, demon meat, sucks. Seriously, it's all gamey and tough, tastes like something that got ran over a couple times. And no nutritional value at all. Seriously, it's not healthy." I said, backing away.

"I don't care. If it fills my stomach, it's good enough for me!" He said, rushing in, clearing the distance quick as hell and got ready to tear at me with his claws, but then-

"Not this time, motherfucker!" Draco said, flying in from the side doing a flying knee to Croc's face, sending the monster reeling to the side, face-first into Damion's fist.

"Take a bite of this!" He said, the force of his punch sending Croc flying to the other end of the sewer. "You needed help with that?" He smirked, turning to face me.

I breathed a sigh of relief, then brought them both in for a hug. "Guys, I've never told you this before and I don't say it enough, but you guys are my best friends. Thank you. I love you guys like brothers." I said, then looked back to see Croc getting up and charging in our direction. "NOW LET'S GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" I said, running, throwing a fireball to slow him down. The two of them turned around and with a quick "Oh, shit!" from both of them, they tore off right behind me.

After securely locking the door, melting metal around it to weld it in place, nailing up several heavy-duty wooden boards, putting chains locked together like a padlock over the door and putting a trip device on it so if anyone broke through the door, they'd be blown to bits, we deemed it was safe. "Yeah, I don't think he's getting through that." Draco said.

"I hope not. That guy's big." I said.

"So, what the hell are you doing in a loony bin?" Damion asked.

"It's Sai; do you really have to ask?" Draco said.

I looked at him. "A: Screw you, B: my 'friends' back at the office let me be crushed by a giant-ass demon and knocked out, then were kind enough to LEAVE ME THERE after they killed it and, instead of bringing me to the hospital like a normal, smart person, the dumbasses decided it was a good idea to bring me to an INSANE ASYLUM." I said.

"Huh. Surprised your sister hasn't had a lawsuit done already to have this place burnt to the ground." Damion said.

"She would've by now if this asshole clown calling himself the Joker didn't cause a massive breakout. Now I'm walking around saving guards, killing loonies and trying to avoid an annoying dude in Spandex called the Batman." I explained.

"Deathstroke told me about him. He's this annoying goody two-shoes who doesn't kill criminals, thinks he's all high and mighty and looks like a pedophile, right?" Draco asked.

"That's exactly right." I said with a nod.

"Well, I've got no problem with kicking some crazy people's asses. Let me in on it." Damion said.

"Yeah, I'm in." Draco agreed.

"Too much badass overkill for one fanfiction, but if I need you guys, I'll whistle, how's that?" I asked.

"Fine." Damion agreed.

"Sounds good." Draco said with a nod.

"Alright, see you later." I said as they took off. "Okay, then first order of business…"

[Finding out where the hell we are.]

And maybe the cafeteria, I'm starved. Think they have Chinese?

Back with Batman…

He now reached the Batcave. After registering who he was, disabling the security and continuing down the path, he finally reached the main area where the Batcomputer and everything important was. He glided over and sat at the computer, reading all the files about Doctor Young. "Dr. Young was working on an external project. It was big. Lots of external funding. Here are the last notes she filed. I can't make sense of it. What does it mean?" Oracle asked as she sent it to Batman.

"Looks like she was experimenting on the Arkham patients. This new chemical only barely resembles the original Venom compound. It's a good thing she didn't get to use it on-." He started then stopped. "Oracle, one last thing. Bring up any records of one Sai Blade." He told her.

"Right." She said. After a quick minute, she came back with a couple files. "Apparently, he, along with someone named Draco Bloodgrave, were two prodigal apprentices of Deathstroke. They both move on their own now, but it is noted they are close to each other and still remain in contact with Deathstroke. Anyway, Sai has been labeled a lot like you 'a vigilante hero who does the cops job for them and ten times better.' He is the youngest son in a notorious Blade clan of vigilante ninjas beloved by 80% of the public, even though, unlike you, they are rarely seen by the average citizen, even when they save them from danger right in front of them. And they have no problem with killing people. My biggest concern is the cops have no problem with that. They have a website though, claiming they'll capture and bring in the average criminal, but they will kill murderers, terrorists, serial killers, pedophiles, rapists and supercriminals without a second thought. I guess that makes them a darker version of you." She said.

"And if I ever get the chance, I'll put a stop to them, too." He said.

"Easier said than done. Most, if not all of them, posses superhuman and supernatural powers." She said.

"You make it sound like that's NOT every day things for me." He said. Then he realized something. "Wait! These notes aren't complete! This must be the secret Doctor Young was hiding. If Joker gets his hands on them, he will create an army of a thousand Banes!" He said.

"My god! Is Joker crazy enough to do that? What am I saying? You've gotta stop him." She said as he grabbed his Batclaw upgrade.

"I'm going after her. She was heading to the mansion with Cash. I'm going up through the catacombs." He said.

Back with me…

I got out of the door at the end of the sewers into a different area, then heard a thug having a conversation with the Joker over a walkie-talkie. "I'm sorry, sir, it took a little longer to find him than you figured." The thug said.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'll try to be more precise next time I'm planning an island takeover!" Joker snapped.

"I didn't mean-" The thug started, but was cut short after I snapped his neck.

"You still there? Calling all cars. Calling all cars! Well, what got you? Croc, the bat or the demon? Croc old boy, you there?" He asked.

I picked up the walkie talkie and held it to speaking/hearing radius. "Nope, sorry, just me there, Joke-off." I told him.

"Certainly cheeky, aren't you? Maybe you'd like the rest of my boys to come and take you down." He said.

"Given how weak they've been so far, you'll have to forgive me if I don't think they can." I told him.

"We'll just have to find out, won't we? Hey, boys, you hear me? The kid in the trench coat's back. Please accommodate him if you can." He said.

"You got it, boss!" I heard, then a bunch of other guys came around a corner not too far away, spreading out in front of me.

I then pulled out a kunai and smirked. "How about a magic trick? I'm gonna make this kunai disappear!" I said. One came running at me, screaming like crazy, then I grabbed him and stabbed it into his eye, throwing him to the ground. "Ta-da! It's… Gone!" I said.

"That wasn't a magic trick, freak, you stabbed him in the freakin' eye!" Another inmate said, scared, backing away.

"Huh. Okay, then, how about this? Hocus, pocus, Alakazam, come on out here, Reshiram!" I said, tossing a Master Ball and unleashing the massive dragon, further scaring the thugs shitless.

"Holy shit, what is that?!" They asked, trying to run, but where unfortunately killed by a Fusion Flare before they could.

"Good job, buddy, I'll let you know if I need you, later." I said, calling it back, then casually walked off with my hands in my pockets, whistling Aloe Blacc's I'm the man.

Meanwhile…

Batman just climbed through and saw mine and Reshiram's handiwork. "Looks like Sai struck again. He must've used a high powered explosive or heavy-duty flamethrower. Either way, this can't be good." He said, continuing quickly in hopes to stop me, but was interrupted by a call from Oracle.

"I've been digging deeper into Doctor Young. According to her back records, there have been multiple payments from her project starting last April until 2 months ago. Then nothing. The payments came from a company owned by a Mister Jack White." She said.

"One of Joker's oldest aliases. So, Joker pays Dr. Young to create his army and then all of a sudden stops. Doesn't make any sense." He said, continuing on.

Meanwhile…

I finally made my way to the surface after traversing an annoying sewer maze thing. "Ugh, fuck sewers!" I snapped angrily

Suddenly, Joker came back over the intercom. "Ding Dong. Joker here again! Don't worry about the Bat. I've got a few surprises along the way if he decides to turn up and spoil the fun. Maybe it could work on the pyromaniac in the trench coat, too. Oh and if you hear a shot in the dark, don't worry. There's very little chance you'll get hurt. It's the bat I'm after. Still, you may wanna check your health insurance." He said, then laughed. "Oh, who am I kidding, you don't have any!" He continued to laugh.

"It is, very expensive." I said, walking out, then got shot in the shoulder, causing me to stagger back.

[It has to be a high-powered gun to make us stagger like that.]

Hey, that guy has a sniper rifle! No fair!

I looked at the guy who had to be the one who shot me, then pulled out a Scorpion mask, put it on and removed it, revealing my head as a flaming skull. A small P.O.V switch to the thug shows him looking down the scope at me, then I turned at him and roared. All he saw then was a fiery skull rushing straight for him. Then… Blackout. The screen slowly fades back to see me holding a scorched skull in my hand, then I crushed it, returning to normal. "Didn't see that coming did you?" I asked, walking off.

{Any clue where we're going?]

Uh…..

"Plot Device God?" I asked, looking up.

"**You need to go save Dr. Young and Cash in the mansion. Those weird mutant things were from something she made from Bane's Venom."** He explained.

"Okay. Sounds like she's got some explaining to do, though." I said, continuing to the mansion. Suddenly, I got shot again. I paused for a moment before slowly turning back. "Why you MOTHER**FUCKEEEER!" **I shouted in rage, using my demon speed to get to the guard tower the guy was on, banging his head into the railing a couple dozen times, then throwing him, still conscious, off the guard tower to his death. I then made a spear of concentrated fire, throwing it at the other sniper, through his eye. "I'm SUCH a badass." I smirked, continuing to the mansion. I entered the mansion and saw two guys standing right behind an electric wall, thinking they were safe.

"Well, look who it is. The big tough demon." One of them said.

"Yeah, get out of here, Dante, no way you're getting us through this Security gate!"  
The other one said.

[DANTE?!]

"You've just sealed your fate, bitch." I said, throwing fireballs at the gate, destroying it, then rushing at the panicked thugs. I quickly slit the first guys throat and grabbed the second guys face with my hands… And actually all of my body, on fire, burning his face and jabbing my fingers into his eyes like Kratos did to Poseidon, except not enough to kill him. He screamed in pain, which was like music to my ears until he finally died, then I literally MELTED his body.

We are a dangerous individual. And REALLY scary sometimes.

[Yes we are.]

"It's called being badass." I said, continuing on, killing more and more thugs. I burst through a door into another brawl when Joker came on the PDA again. "Wait, time out, I wanna hear this." I said, doing a T with my hands.

"Joker here! First the good news! We've got Dr. Young. Bad news, She's not talking. Her notes are hidden somewhere in the mansion. I've got a plan or 6 to loosen her tongue, but in the mean time, I want you to search *laughs* every kook and granny in the joint. There's a prize for whoever finds it~" He said in sing-song at the end.

"Well, that can't be good." I said, then looked at the thugs. "Okay, time in." I said, quickly kicking their asses again. "Now then. Find those notes… Or more people to kill." I said, continuing. I walked through some door, down a hall with bunch of things on display, including some of Penguin's umbrellas and Catwoman's hood and goggles. "More like a museum than an asylum." I said, then heard some guys talking around the corner. I walked around the corner into view, then smirked. "Good to see you. I was looking for more assholes to kill." I said, rushing in and kicking the gunman's head off before he could even bring his gun up, then threw a knife into the other dude's forehead. After hearing some commotion behind the door in front of me, I kicked it off the hinges, killing about 5 more guys. "Knock, knock." I said darkly.

Hehe! Spawn reference!

[The most badass cartoon we've ever seen.]

Joker then came on the intercom again as me and the thugs continued fighting. "Welcome to the Arkham Library. History is so important. A traumatic event here! A murder there! It's enough to drive anyone crazy!" He laughed.

"You especially." I said, beating the thugs down to the remix of Kung Fu Fighting.

[If you don't know the remix, go to YouTube and watch Dragonball Z- Gotenks- Kung Fu Fighting.]

An already kick-ass song made into an even better funk remix! It's awesome!

"Reading the last page first? Shame on you, boy! Well how's this for a punch line? 2 minutes from now, the giggle gas goes boom, permanently cheering up those miserable doctors! Tick, tock, tick, tock." He said.

I grabbed the last guy by the neck, lifting hi, off the ground and was about to punch a hole through his chest when that part caught my ear. "Wait, the what-now?" I asked, looking out in front of me, ironically at the 4th wall. I looked down below through the pretty glass floor to see there was a room under us with two doctors strapped to chairs with a big present box in between them. "Uh-oh." I said, thinking. Then, I looked at the thug I was still holding and smirked. "I have got an i**dea**!" I said, jumping up into the air and throwing him down, shattering the glass floor and killing him, also breaking his neck when he hit the floor below and I landed perfectly on my feet. "10 points!" I said, posing. I then picked up the box and threw it out of the room, smirking as a boxing glove came out of it. "Not gonna get ME with party gags, Joker." I said, untying them.

"Thank you, I thought we were gonna die! Are they all gone?" He asked.

"Yep. You're safe, don't worry." I said.

"It all happened so fast. A couple of patients broke in and started tearing up the place. Looked like they were looking for something." He said.

"They are." I added.

"Bill here fought them back, but there were too many! They took Doctor Young. She ran in here and they followed.

"Okay. You guys stay here, I'mma look for anything she might've left behind." I said. I quickly searched the room and found the paper containing her research. "Oh, goodie, I found it. Now I'mma burn it." I said, doing so.

"What have you got there, kid? The formula?! No, not the formula! What am I going to do? Who can help me now?" He said.

"My only advice is to get the world's best psychiatrist… And a priest for when I find and kill you for the Dante thing earlier." I said.

He was silent for a minute, then spoke again. "What's that? How about our old friend Zsasz? Hm… I did bump into him on the way back from the gardens, where no doubt he was acting out some twisted fantasy. I'm sure he can get the good doctor to talk. Hopefully before he slices out her tongue. I think they were having a little CHAT in the Warden's office." He said ominously.

"Oh, shit!" I said, rushing off.

Back with Batman at the same time I was doing all that…

He took a different direction than I did, going through a different door, finding a thug holding a couple of guards at gunpoint. "Just shut the hell up, we're in control! Where did she go?" He asked.

"I don't know." The guard being held at gunpoint asked.

"Answer me!" He shouted, before being taken down silently by Batman.

Batman approached the guards, when suddenly, the collar the thug was wearing went off, making a weird laughing sound and a beeping noise. "What's that collar do? Why's it making that sound?" He asked.

"It's the suicide collar! But it sounds weird." The guard said.

"Suicide collar?" Batman asked.

"They've got some other name, but, well, we just use them to monitor patient's heartbeats. If it drops too low, the alarm goes off and a crash team rushes in." The guard explained.

Joker then came on a nearby TV. "And so does my crew if you trigger one. How do you like them apples, bats? Standing around in the…" He then paused to check a screen presumably. "Hm… Let's see… Ah, the West wing. They'd be there now if they weren't busy knocking a little sense into cash. They're just lucky our new friend Sai is in the East wing where he can't hurt them." He then leaned back, put his feet on the table and pulled out a bag of popcorn, watching another TV. "He's certainly hurting the people in the East wing, though. Ooh, right in the face!" Joker laughed. "I'll tell you what. I won't spoil the surprise and let them know you're coming." He said.

"Who is Sai?" The guard asked.

"Dangerous. If you see him, stay away from him." Batman said, going into the library with the thugs and guards. He quickly took care of the thugs in there and freed the guards.

"Thanks." Cash said.

"Where did Dr. Young go?" Batman asked.

"I told her to run. These guys came in looking for her, I told her to go to her office and hide." He said. Suddenly, they heard Joker's announcement about her whereabouts and encounter with Zsasz. "Damn! What do we do?!" He asked.

"Don't worry, I'll save her." He said.

Back with me…

I started hurrying down the hall, when suddenly, I started tripping balls again as if I accidentally injected myself at the hospital again. **"WHYYY?! Why does this always happen?! Who is doing this to me? Where's the freaky Silent Hill monster? He looks like Pyramid Face, but instead it's a potato sack!" **I said, shambling my way down the hall again. I finally saw the guy down there. **"SO, you like screwing with people and making them freak out, huh? You like fear, too, I hear. Time for you to feel fear then, bitch. I'mma have to stop you!" **I said, throwing another master ball, releasing Darkrai. With his Dark Void attack, he put the freak to sleep and sent him into a deep nightmare. "Good job, Darkrai. I'm not tripping anymore." I said, returning him.

"The hands! Get them off of me! The hands!" He said.

"Hands, huh? Here's some hands for you. Cofagrigus." I said, sending it out, having it use its Shadow arms to continue to torture him as I laughed evilly. "I am genuinely enjoying this, but I should go." I said, rushing off to the Warden's office. I was about to enter, when I heard someone behind me.

"Stop, Sai. I'm putting an end to whatever you're doing now." Batman said.

"Blah, blah, blah, always with the hero speak. You're boring me." I said.

"Then I'll make this more interesting." He said, walking up threateningly.

I then whistled in a high pitch, then a low pitch like two syllables, which was a secret way of calling in Draco, who busted in through a window and hit Batman in the face with a flying kick. "So, he's the goody two-shoes pedophile Deathstroke told us about?" He asked.

"Yep. Really annoying. Okay, I have to save a doctor from a psychopath." I said, going through the door, just in time to see Zsasz go around a corner, holding a knife to the doctor's throat.

"Stay where you are, boy! Listen to me carefully!" He said.

"I'm listening." I said.

[… Was that a reference to the Avengers?]

Oh, called it!

"Help me! Please, somebody help me!" She screamed.

"Uh…" I said, thinking.

"Come any closer… And I'll paint the room crimson with her blood." He said, causing her to scream.

"I THINK I have a plan." I said, pulling out another Pokeball and releasing Joltik. It turned around and looked at me as I knelt down to look it in the eyes better. "Okay, here's what you're gonna do. There's a guy with a knife in the next room who has a bunch of tick marks all over his body. He's got a hostage. You're gonna crawl in and get his attention. Then, when you're close enough, jump onto his face and shock the shit out of that bitch. I'll take it from there." I said.

"Joltik, jolt, jolt!" It said in understanding, crawling into the room.

Zsasz noticed it and leaned in to get a better look at it. "What on Earth is that?" He asked.

It stopped about 2 feet from them, then jumped onto his forehead, shocking the hell out of him. He freaked out, dropped the doctor and the knife and held his forehead, trying to get it off.

"Surprise, motherfucker!" I said like James Doukes from Dexter (the best line in that entire show), popping out from around the corner with a shotgun, blasting him in the chest. "Aren't you so glad you read this story?" I asked, looking at the 4th wall.

She knelt beside him and started pounding on his chest. "You monster, you evil, evil, evil monster!" She cried.

"I think he's dead, Dr. Young." I said.

"Sorry, I'm so sorry." She said.

"Hey, what was with Bane earlier, is he normally that pissed?" I asked.

"No… I don't know. Joker threatened me. I wanted to stop the experiment. I tried to give him his money back." She wept.

"I don't think he wanted it." I said.

"No, he wants an army. A horrible, twisted force to destroy Gotham! He couldn't do it without the formula. I hid it, but-" She started.

"He somehow got it anyway." I guessed.

"God, he has gallons of the stuff! There's a lab, hidden in the gardens! It's locked off, but the codes for the entire island are in the Warden's safe." She said, going up to it, but I stopped her.

"I should take care of this. You stand back. It could be a trap." I said. She went off back to where I was to keep out of sight from Zsasz as I opened the safe to find a bomb, which exploded. "OH, JESUS!" I shouted as I was blasted away into a wall. Consciousness was fading from me. Then… Black out…


End file.
